Accepting the Reality That Some Seniors Might Not Graduate [Episode 120]

Lauren Tingle 0:00
Hi, you’re listening to Episode 120 of high school counseling Conversations. I’m officially I don’t know, slowly easing my way back into counselor clique world from a maternity leave of sorts.

Lauren Tingle 0:14
To be honest, I did not know what this would look like because counselor clique has looked different each time I’ve had a baby, this is my third baby and a little real talk, it just has been different. With my first daughter counselor clique didn’t exist, which I’m actually grateful for. Because for me, the transition from zero to one baby was the hardest for me, I would say.

Lauren Tingle 0:36
With my second, I didn’t have a podcast or the clique collaborative membership for high school counselors. So the weekly content was a blog post and an email, which I scheduled ahead of time, and I was able to step away from for a few weeks. So that was my easiest transition, I’d say one to two kids.

Lauren Tingle 0:54
To be honest, two to three kids has been the toughest for me logistically and mentally. So it’s been a little hard to figure out what my rhythm looks like and what my schedule looks like. And to determine where my time is best spent between the drop offs, the pickups, the feedings, I really don’t feel like I have honestly hit my stride yet with all of the logistics. And then on the flip side of what I was talking about, in terms of mentally, it has been a lot harder for me to keep details straight.

Lauren Tingle 1:24
I know this sounds kind of crazy. Like I feel like I had a rhythm. And I could keep things straight. But actually forming words and sentences has been really hard for me. So getting back to podcasting, it feels like a real feat. I think I am thinking through what I want to say to you, and then I’m speaking them and communicating them and trying to do so in a way that makes sense. And I hope it comes out well I don’t know.

Lauren Tingle 1:52
So for example, I will be trying to communicate something and I basically hit a roadblock in my brain because I cannot think of the word in the English language that I’m looking for. It can be a completely common word, and right on the tip of my tongue. And then I just get so frustrated because I can’t think of the word. So I’m trying to give myself some grace and set the bar really low for basically everything that I’m doing in life right now. All while running on less sleep than normal.

Lauren Tingle 2:19
I say all of this just to let you know where I am mentally right now. And I don’t think this means anything for the podcast. As we stand right now, like nothing is changing. I’ve never taken a break from podcasting since I started High School Counseling Conversations in January 2022. So a new episode has come out every single week since I started it, which is absolute crazy.

Lauren Tingle 2:42
I’m not against taking a break from the podcast I just haven’t ever had the right moment to you I haven’t really felt like I needed to. So there are still no breaks scheduled right now. But I am telling myself that if it does need to happen if I do need to take a break, I will if that’s what’s right for me at the time, but for right now I’m trying to juggle it all and trying to ease back into podcasting world.

Lauren Tingle 3:05
So let’s move into this week’s episode as we continue to talk about working with seniors. Last week, I talked about seeing your off grade level or repeater students through to graduation. Now in my head that wasn’t necessarily just for seniors that was about working with those students who you might be dragging along who are struggling to stay on track in 10th grade 11th grade 12th grade.

Lauren Tingle 3:28
So what happens when they get to 12th grade and things are looking grim? Graduation might feel like an actual dream that we might not get to. So episode 120 is going to dive into what it looks like to accept the fact that as a high school counselor, we won’t be able to save every student. And it’s not on us, but how to keep taking steps forward so we don’t despair as high school counselors and how we can keep helping our seniors take steps forward, even though it’s looking like graduation is not in the cards.

Lauren Tingle 4:01
But first, if you’re listening to this episode, I’m guessing you must work with seniors. So I want to mention a larger resource that I’ll put in the show notes for you: the senior bundle. Inside of the senior bundle, you’ll find 13 resources for working with seniors from classroom lessons to check in to planning guides, to bulletin boards, just a lot of different creative things for you to help your seniors with the prep they need to get all the way to graduation, and then get prepared for that post grad transition.

Lauren Tingle 4:30
It’s discounted by 20% when you grab all those 13 resources together, so I want you to head to the show notes and check that out. If you feel like that could be useful for you.

Lauren Tingle 4:46
Picture this, you’ve ordered everyone’s diplomas for the senior class because you have high hopes to give them all out. You went through those things with a fine tooth comb, you made sure everyone’s names were spelled correctly, you know, first, middle last, you made sure they had the correct suffix. Are they Junior? Or are they the second?

Lauren Tingle 5:38
You double check it with their birth certificates. You go through the high honors and the honors list. You’re inviting students to award ceremonies. As the senior counselor you’re helping a student order that last minute cap and gown because they threw away the papers, they didn’t meet the deadline, they just forgot about it. You drop into chaperone prom, you’re doing all the senior things. Some of it is celebratory and really fun. Some of it is tedious.

Lauren Tingle 6:05
I hope that if you’re working with seniors, you at least find some joy in this stuff. But there are a lot of details to nail down. We haven’t talked yet about the part that is really anxiety ridden. Even if you don’t struggle with anxiety as a human, the part of working with seniors that brings on all that stress, it can keep you up at night.

Lauren Tingle 6:27
The part where they don’t graduate and you feel like it’s riding on your shoulders. You seriously lay awake at night wondering did I miss something? Did I do everything that I needed to do? Do they have all their credits? Are they working on their final project like they said they were going to? You’re wondering if they’re going to pass their classes or you have someone specific in mind that you’re wondering, are they going to pass that class? You wonder if they even care about this as much as you feel like you care about this?

Lauren Tingle 6:54
I swear isn’t this the stuff that keeps you up at night as a senior counselor, or the counselor who’s working with at least this caseload of seniors? If you’re lucky enough to share these seniors with other counselors, you have that camaraderie you can pop into the office next to yours, or down the hall and get your feelings validated. And if not, if you’re doing this by yourself, I’m really glad you’re listening to this. It is so stressful.

Lauren Tingle 7:18
And you know that you’re not the first or the last to ever feel this way. I hope you do that. Does it get easier? I’m not sure it does. Because students seem to repeat this part of history over and over again, no matter what year it is, seniors just kind of do this. I might be going out on a limb here. But I’m gonna say that this is the most stressful part of this job, feeling like the graduation rate, and your students futures are riding on you, us high school counselors to get their diploma for them.

Lauren Tingle 7:49
I mean, I know that sounds crazy when I say it out loud, but you walk around with that weight on your shoulders. And that’s a very real feeling. So if you need a pep talk about why it’s not all riding on your shoulders, go back to last week’s episode 119 where I talk about letting some of that guilt go.

Lauren Tingle 8:05
I’m sure you’ve said you can lead a horse to water so many times about this scenario, you offer all the supports possible to your students only to be let down by these 18 year old who, one don’t want to listen, two don’t have the brain development enough to see past tomorrow. And or three, they don’t have the motivation or the skills or the follow through yet to get that diploma here at the end. And guess what? It’s sad, like that’s a true reality. It is really truly very sad.

Lauren Tingle 8:36
It’s hard as a counselor to watch a student shoot themselves in the foot like that, like they’ve been in school for so long, that they get right to this finish line and they can’t cross it is really challenging to see it all play out. Like I want to shake them and say you’ve made it this far. And now you’re this close. And then you realize that you end up wanting it more than they do.

Lauren Tingle 9:00
And that’s the thing. We’ve got to get to a cross point where they want it more than you do. What do you do when it’s official, they’re not going to graduate, where they cannot graduate? It’s not possible anymore. We have to start making plans for a non graduate, this will happen to you at some point in your career. Maybe you work at a big high school where it’s not when will this happen to me, but how many students will not make it this year. If you’re in a tiny school, it might feel less common or even more high pressure I’d imagine to have that 100% graduation rate.

Lauren Tingle 9:35
Now I’ve never worked in one of those tiny schools or a private school or charter school where I imagine that that pressure is very real. It’s probably very rare that a student does not graduate. So when it happens, it can feel really intense.

Lauren Tingle 9:50
With either of these scenarios that you likely have been put in compromising situations where you’re almost encouraged to do whatever it takes to get the student that diploma, even if it feels like you are teetering or stepping into a gray area to get it. Yeah, I said it, administrators really lay on the pressure on the senior counselor and the senior teachers to pass students and get them to the end.

Lauren Tingle 10:14
So before you get to freaking out, that’s probably really phase one you’re allowed to freak out. But what do you do after the freakout mode comes when you realize that your seniors or senior isn’t going to graduate? Let’s move forward and think about what our next steps are.

Lauren Tingle 10:29
I want you to consult with the other counselors around you in case you missed an option. So if you’re panicking over something like they missed a credit for graduation, or they’re failing a class that they need, or something just feels off and you need it double checked, get some more eyes on the situation to help you out. If you don’t have a teammate, another counselor in your department, can you call a counselor from another school to consult with and talk you off that ledge? Look through the transcripts that you’re looking at with a fine tooth comb and be very detail oriented with it.

Lauren Tingle 11:46
Talk to the teacher of the class that they’re currently in and currently failing to make sure you have a game plan. Can you start credit recovery early for something because you know they’re already going to fail it? I know that those rules differ depending on the school or the state or the program that you’re working on. But it’s something to consider.

Lauren Tingle 12:04
Can you get the student signed up for a virtual class somewhere and work through it quickly, like on a timeline that’s not start and finish by this date where maybe they can work through it faster than a semester.

Lauren Tingle 12:16
Check on what resources your district has to get students to that graduation line as fast as possible. If it looks like they’re going to fail a class needed for graduation. Or if you realize that there was a mistake along the way.

Lauren Tingle 12:27
The earlier you can communicate your worry about a student not graduating, the better. I know it feels awkward. I know it feels really scary and intense to have those conversations. But the sooner you’re having them, I promise it’s for the better. This means with the parent, the student and administrator or administrators who are involved.

Lauren Tingle 12:46
Now, I’m not sure what your history is with this parent or the adult of the student and like what that has looked like in the past. But it’s always helpful if you have enough of a relationship with them for at least to know who you are already. So start the conversations as early as possible with those adults.

Lauren Tingle 13:03
Those conversations can look like Hey, I am worried about your student and their grades and their graduation status. So that when it comes time to have the next conversation of hey, they are not going to graduate. Actually, there is no way that they’re going to graduate this year with their class, that there are no surprises that this has been something that mentally they have been able to prepare for. And you’re not coming at them with a blindside at the last minute.

Lauren Tingle 13:30
And obviously, I know you’re not going to blindside a student with the information that they’re not graduating, this is probably the person who you are most in conversation with around this issue, right? Remember, a student’s graduation status should not it does not rest solely on your shoulders. There are a lot of people who should be carrying this weight Hello, including the student themselves. They know what their responsibility is in this. But if we get to the point where they’re not graduating, it is going to be on you to have this tough conversation with them.

Lauren Tingle 14:01
And I’m not gonna lie, it’s pretty sad. Sometimes it’s the first time that they have had to bear the weight of their actions, or really sit in something happening because of what they did. It’s gonna be hard for them to grapple with at first. And like I said, it is hard to deliver that information and say it with a period at the end of the sentence. Like there are other options for you to walk across that stage with your class, like maybe you had envisioned. But I’d also like to have options laid out for them for what’s next in that same conversation. So I’ll get to that here in a second.

Lauren Tingle 14:37
The other people I want to make sure that you are keeping in the loop are your administrators, they should not be surprised that this student is not going to graduate. You should be keeping your administrators so in the loop with your students status and then you should be alerting them when you’ve exhausted all the means of getting them to that finish line. Like just kind of keep your admin in the loop of all the things that you’re trying all the plans you have in place. because then you have to tell them that they’re officially not going to make it.

Lauren Tingle 15:05
And maybe you’ve had student support team meetings throughout the year where you’ve discussed at risk students and the students name has already been commonplace there. I hope that you’ve had those kinds of meetings already. If you’re like, What are you talking about what the student support meeting, had back and listened to Episode 89. And then make it a goal to start having these start hosting these in your high school next year.

Lauren Tingle 15:25
With all of these people, I want you to have that conversation more than once about the potential implications of not graduating, but then also the not graduating, make sure it’s very clear like this is the end result, you will not be walking, you will not be receiving a diploma, and document all of that. Date those conversations, jot down any notes that you might need to trigger any memories around those conversations. Document all the times you met with these parties and what your plan was for the student early on to get them to graduate. And then also document or jot little notes on what actually panned out and what actually happened.

Lauren Tingle 16:03
Lastly, though, I want you to come up with the next steps for the student. They don’t just not graduate and then float away into the abyss. Yes, I guess that could happen. But I know you you deeply care for these students. And it is just as hard for you to see them not graduate as it is for them to not graduate. It’s really sad to see them not finish what they set out to do.

Lauren Tingle 16:26
And you know, those students themselves never imagined not getting their diploma with their friends and throwing their cap in the air, deep down whether they show it or not, it’s likely that there is some grief and mourning for what was going to be or what could have been, but what’s now not going to happen.

Lauren Tingle 16:43
So what can they do now that they aren’t getting their high school diploma with their friends? It’s time to dish out some hope. And that’s the good part. You’re good at that too high school counselor.

Lauren Tingle 16:53
How do they sign up to take their last class or two during the summer? And how soon can they start? Is there an alternative setting where they can show up and attend in person? Maybe attendance or transportation is going to be an issue. And maybe that’s what got them to this place to begin with. So let them know what ways they can still receive their high school diploma if there are other options.

Lauren Tingle 17:14
Give them GED options. I don’t know about you. But I’ve always believed that the GED route for most students seems to be trickier to navigate, like you’re having to pay for classes, or you’re having to pay for a test, there just feels like a lot of barriers to be thinking about as your students are trying to finish out all the last thing. So whatever options you can give them, whatever barriers you can eliminate, let’s get a path for them to take some steps forward from here.

Lauren Tingle 17:39
I also want to give them hope as to what can come after they get their diploma or GED. Like I know you’ve done this plenty of times throughout their time in high school, you have sat down and have planning meetings with them and talked about their future. But now that they have this reality check, maybe have another little mini planning meeting where you discuss even goals that can come after getting that high school diploma or getting that GED

Lauren Tingle 18:02
Yes, I want students to get their diploma. But I also want them to have a plan for what they’re going to do when they have it. I always say that about the senior class in general. But these non grads are no exception. And you know that I’m gonna say this about this situation, too. I want you to document these plans, these conversations and these meetings as well.

Lauren Tingle 18:22
One more logistics type thing to bear in mind that I wouldn’t want you to forget, you’re going to have the students diploma physically in your presence, because you ordered it with all the hopes and dreams of the world that they would graduate this year. So make sure you and the other counselors and your clerk or your secretary know where these diplomas are.

Lauren Tingle 18:41
I’m sure you have a system for those who don’t walk or those students who want to pick up their diplomas later. But keep those non grads in mind too. They might finish a credit recovery later or an online class later than everybody else. And you may still be giving them that diploma. So make sure everybody is in the loop in the office as to where those diplomas are, what systems you have to sign them out. Because those are really important pieces of paper that you want to keep everybody in the know about how that is working for your department and for giving those out to students.

Lauren Tingle 19:14
When you have seniors not graduate, it can feel like a lot, a lot of emotions, a lot of weight for you in the student. And maybe neither of you expected to feel feelings that were so big. And I’m going to encourage you it does happen. You’re not a failure as a counselor because you had a student or many students not graduate. This is not the result of one tiny action. And this is not all on you. There are usually lots of mornings that students have ignored to get to this point.

Lauren Tingle 19:43
So they will need a wake up call something so poignant to make change happen and to continue on their way to achieving the goal if their goal really is to get their high school diploma. You have helped them along the way and you will tell them that you’ll continue to help them.

Lauren Tingle 19:58
I’d love to hear any thoughts you have have on this topic and continue the conversation over on Instagram. So send me a DM with your senior situations and we can chat about it. Thanks for listening to this week’s episode, episode 120.