What We Need to Know About Our Rising Ninth Grade Students with Lauren Tenholder [Episode 136]

Lauren Tingle 0:00
Hello, everyone. I’m excited to kick off our series where we talk with counselors from each grade level.

Lauren Tingle 0:07
I got the idea to do this to have an episode with a 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grade counselor. But then Lauren on Instagram reached out to me and said, Would you ever do one with eighth grade counselors as well? Because I think this would serve middle and high school counselors who need to know about the transition for eighth graders moving into ninth grade. And I said, say less. I need you on the podcast. Thank you for volunteering yourself.

Lauren Tingle 0:33
You’ll notice Lauren and I live in the same city in Greenville, South Carolina, and we did not know each other. In the meet and greet at an ASKA session in Atlanta last summer, we happened to introduce ourselves to each other and we found out we were both at ASKA from Greenville, South Carolina.

Lauren Tingle 0:49
Our district is huge. And y’all know I’m not in a school anymore. But Lauren’s middle school is across town from where I worked, so we would have never overlapped. It was funny to me that it took us both going to ASKA all the way in Atlanta to meet but here we are.

Lauren Tingle 1:04
Lauren Tenholder is a middle school counselor and has been for 10 years. Her first school counseling job was in Jacksonville, Florida and she worked there at a title one middle school for two years. Then she moved to Greenville, South Carolina with her husband and she got a another middle school position where she currently works.

Lauren Tingle 1:20
Outside of being a middle school counselor, Lauren has worked for the American School Counselor Association as a volunteer coordinator for two major national conferences. And she also owns an Etsy shop as a way to take care of her mental health after school. I’ll link her Etsy shop in the show notes, you’ll need to follow her in all the places because her Etsy shop is so so cute, you will love all the stuff in there.

Lauren Tingle 1:43
Well, now that I’ve introduced you to Lauren, let’s get into this week’s episode where we get to chat about what we need to know about our rising ninth graders when they’re coming from eighth grade in the middle schools with middle school counselors up into our high school setting. So without further ado, here’s Lauren.

Lauren Tingle 2:39
Hey, Lauren, I’m so excited to have you on the podcast.

Lauren 2:42
Thanks for having me.

Lauren Tingle 2:43
When I put this out there and said, Let’s do this for 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grade and you sent me a message and were like, we should do this for eighth grade too. I said that is a genius idea. And now you volunteered yourself to be on the podcast, so.

Lauren 2:56
Of course. Volunteering for all things all the time. I can’t help it.

Lauren Tingle 3:00
Yeah, this is what you would expect. You’re going to do that to yourself. You’re going to volunteer for it. And you’re going to be on a podcast. It’s your first podcast you’ve ever been on?

Lauren 3:09
I feel like it is which I’m so happy my first one would be on yours.

Lauren Tingle 3:14
I’m so excited. So you’re an eighth grade counselor. I’ve already told all the listeners kind of like your bio and your background. But I think that you’re going to have a lot to offer our ninth grade and older counselors just having that middle school perspective because especially if you are used to working with older students, you forget that they they come to us even in the high school just as these like little babies into you they’re like the oldest, wisest.

Lauren 3:39
Absolutely that yes, like the end of eighth grade. I’m like, Man, these kids are adults. They’re just they’re they’re rockin and rollin. Look at them go and they’re going to high school. And then I’m sure they get there. And then I’m sure that they look so little still with their braces.

Lauren Tingle 3:54
Oh they get tinier and tinier every year. Okay, Lauren, tell us. You’ve been at two different middle schools, what were the populations of the makeup of your school? What was that like? And then what was the caseload model for where you worked and where you currently work?

Lauren 4:10
Okay, so I used to work in Jacksonville, Florida. And that’s where I first started counseling. And I want to say it’s been a while but I want to say my caseload, okay. So the whole school for six to eight was probably 800 kids, and it was split between two counselors. And it was like very low socio economic status, Title One, everyone was free and reduced lunch. And it was just constant chaos at all points in time.

Lauren 4:40
And so my co counselor and I had our own separate caseload. So I had sixth grade and half a seventh and then she had the other half of seventh and then eighth grade. But because everything was just so crazy at all points of time, we would collaborate a lot so we were always together and just counseled all the children.

Lauren Tingle 4:57
So and you probably knew everyone at that point.

Lauren 4:59
Yes, exactly. Well we had to because it was always I have a problem with this kid or this kid. And then I go, who is that? Because they’re not on my caseload I didn’t know. Right? So we had to work together a lot.

Lauren 5:09
But the school that I’m at now, again, it’s a middle school, six to eight. So we have five counselors, three of us loop with our kids. So we start in sixth grade with the students, and then we go to seventh with them and the eighth grade with them.

Lauren Tingle 5:21
So what do the other two counselors do?

Lauren 5:24
Okay, so they do the same thing. So like, I’m going to eighth grade this year. And so the sixth grade counselor last year is now going to seventh grade with his kids. And then the last year is eighth grade counselors going to sixth grade,

Lauren Tingle 5:36
Wait, I thought you said there were five counselors.

Speaker 1 5:38
Right. There are and then the other two, one is career only.

Lauren Tingle 5:43
Okay, that’s what I was wondering.

Lauren 5:44
Yes. And then the other one is intervention. So she works with the kids that flag in our in our system that need intervening.

Lauren Tingle 5:51
Okay, that’s great. That’s so nice to have that extra support.

Speaker 1 5:55
It’s awesome. Yeah, it’s awesome. And it’s really nice, because we work really well together. And our school district for the middle schools is moving towards everyone looping with their students. And some of us are really excited, I love it. But some, some of us are having a hard time. But I can see where maybe if, if our, if your department has a lot of like, flashing or don’t all jive, if I can see where it’s kind of hard, but.

Lauren Tingle 6:19
Because when you do either alpha or you’re rolling, I feel like you have to have really extra good communication, because you’re always kind of training somebody else on something or someone is the point that everybody’s doing it, it requires you to be on the same team, which I think is a good thing.

Lauren 6:38
It is it’s great. And I will say that a lot of the times like I’ll have all have a student in my grade level. So let’s say I’m seventh grade. And then there’s an older sibling and eighth grade, so that like the eighth grade counselor, and I would just make sure to like talk if there’s anything going on, which we’ve had to do a lot of the time, just so that we’re all on the same page, or I talked to mom today, or this is what this was like. But like I said, it’s just a lot of communication that we have to have and be able to see each other.

Lauren Tingle 7:04
Yeah and counselors are great at communication. So yes, it’s in our wheelhouse, I think.

Lauren 7:08
It is, it’s easy.

Lauren Tingle 7:11
Okay, when you came to me, and you were like, these are the things that high school counselors need to know, you presented this as an idea. And I was like, Yes, I’m on the edge of my seat. I need to know. What do high school counselors you think, need to know, kind of like the most important things when this topic comes to your mind. When they’re leaving eighth grade, what do we need to be aware of as they’re coming to us in high school?

Speaker 1 7:32
I would say one of the biggest things is that, as a high school counselor, remember that your feeder middle school counselors has literally just watched these children go through the most awkward time of their lives.

Lauren Tingle 7:48
We can all go back to that time, like, yes, certainly and say yes, that was me.

Lauren 7:53
Yes. And, you know, we’ve watched them grow. And then we’re like, release them at the end of eighth grade to go to high school. And we’re just a really good resource to have. So working really close with your feeder middle schools, I feel like it’s just super important, especially when it comes to like anything from students that have a really hard time at school to registration, which I know is like a whole beast in itself.

Lauren 8:17
But if, if things are communicated well, like we were saying before, like communicating with your department, communicating with your feeder schools is super important. So then that way, you know what you’re getting with these ninth graders, and then you can hit the ground running and then your jobs easier. So it’s just really good to collaborate. When

Lauren Tingle 8:33
I think we forget about two things that you just mentioned. We are so used to those seniors launching and it just how like emotional and how tied you are to them, like you’ve seen them grow so much. I forget that you as the eighth grade counselor would be feeling that same type of way. And like I don’t think I having sympathy or like putting myself in your shoes and saying like, Oh, you’re probably kind of sad when they all leave you especially if you’ve been looping with them, you know them so well.

Speaker 1 9:01
Right. And I’m sure elementary counselors feel like that when they come to middle school too, because they have them, technically the longest. So I just, it’s, I feel sad at the end of eighth grade, because I’m so comfortable with the kids. And I know they’re so comfortable with me. But I like to feel like I’m doing everything and know all the things to have them ready for high school. So when I send them off, I feel really good about it.

Lauren 9:24
So at my school, we have five feeder high schools because we’re just a larger districts. So I make sure to talk to all those counselors, but also we’re a magnet school. So we technically feed into every high school in our school district. So just it’s really important for me just knowing who those counselors are and having those relationships.

Lauren 9:44
Which I feel like our school districts doing a really good job with helping us collaborate with more of the vertical planning together with with counselors, so the middle schools and high schools tend to come together. Same thing with the elementary and middle but just like having conversations whether it’s just registration stuff so we start giving you a mess of things you have to clean up.

Lauren 10:05
Because I know what that’s like getting it from the elementary level. So I would hate throwing a mess to my high school friends, because we need to, we all need to be really good friends so that kids can have a good time. So just it’s registration stuff to watch out for this kid or keep an eye on this one, or don’t call Dad or, you know, just little pieces that would help them have a smooth transition to high school.

Lauren Tingle 10:25
Yeah, I just think about how easy that is to forget. I mean, I hate to say this to like, forget that you’re such a good resource, once they get into ninth grade. We’re in our bubble, like, we have forgotten that there has been a counselor who knew all these things about them, like you just said, don’t call Dad, he’s not really going to be a great resource. And their cousin has been living with them. And they’re actually the one who gets into school every day.

Lauren Tingle 10:48
Or what you notice those little things that you’ve spent all that time getting to know them, we forget to reach out to the eighth grade counselor and say like, Do you know anything about this situation? I would say I would be so hesitant to do that. Because like part of it feels like that. I mean, you know, it’s not like gossip, because you’re you’re seeking the information for the betterment of the child, right?

Lauren Tingle 11:08
Like you wouldn’t want it to come across as like, give me all the things I need to know like, what is this kid really like? Like, I never want that impression in my brain before I meet them. But seeking out the information that would actually help them like you said in terms of like, yes, academic trends, or should this kid have an IEP? Like, what has happened in the past?

Lauren 11:27
Or what is this 504? Because you know that we all are blessed with those. So like, what is what is up with this 504?

Lauren Tingle 11:33
And then you get the answers like, Yeah, somebody just really pushed for that. Or some doctor wrote a note that really, I don’t know that it needed to happen. Like the the in between the lines kind of stuff if that middle school counselor, yeah, absolutely.

Lauren Tingle 11:48
Okay, what trends are you seeing with your eighth graders? Like I’m just I’m going to talk like eighth ninth grade, like they’re leaving you, they’re maturing through eighth grade. That’s who I’m talking about right here. But like, what are the common struggles that you’re seeing? What are they coming into your office for?

Lauren 12:03
I will say, I remember being in eighth grade and being so ready to go to high school, I was excited, I was ready for it. But I’ll say, these kids are not excited. And I don’t know why. And I and I keep saying you know, high school, so much fun, you get to have a little bit more freedom. And, you know, there’s all of these things that come with high school, and they just don’t want to go.

Lauren 12:26
And I’m seeing again, so I don’t think I touched upon the, the demographic I’m working with now is like a very wealthy pocket of families in our town, and then a very poor pocket of families in our town. So like, when you come to my school, like you can see it driving to my school. So we get a little taste of everything.

Lauren 12:48
But I’ll say with all of them, none of them are excited to go to high school, I think that they like just being comfortable once they get settled in middle school. But I also have been seeing a lot of anxiety about high school credit classes, and then parents really pushing them. So for kids that probably don’t need to be taking high school classes in middle school.

Lauren Tingle 13:09
Like an algebra one, Spanish one, they’re like starting to get those credits early or pressured to.

Lauren 13:16
I can see where if a student needs that challenge, I can see that being super beneficial. But there’s just some kids where parents are, you know, talking with their friends, and they go, Well, if your kid isn’t in algebra one and English one in eighth grade, they’re not going to college. And then it’s like sheer panic.

Lauren Tingle 13:33
As you would imagine, like, you and I are both parents. And if I wasn’t familiar with how the school system works, or that stuff, I would be the exact same way. Right?

Lauren 13:42
Exactly. Or oh my gosh, well, that, well, that parent has all these high school kids, and they all go into college. And they all did this. It’s a lot. But with the parent parental anxiety, it’s like bleeding into how the kids are feeling about their academic performance. And so all the time with, especially with high school registration, we have kids handing us their scheduling parts, like crying, because they didn’t get recommended for AP Human Geography. And they got only recommended for honors.

Lauren Tingle 14:09
Which is a hard class for 9th graders anyways. night.

Lauren 14:13
Yes, it’s so hard. And it just, I can’t get over the parental pressure, which I understand from, like you said, it could be from lack of knowledge and just like not knowing but when we have our graduation meetings with each individual eighth grader and their parents, and we’re telling that it’s okay, if they don’t take this class their freshman year and the parents like, no, they’re gonna take it, they’re gonna take it what do I believe, you know, and then the kids sitting there like shrinking like shrinking.

Lauren Tingle 14:44
And because they’re embarrassed too when you’re paying for eighth grade and your parent is like, getting a little aggressive. You just want to melt away, do not want to be there anymore.

Lauren 14:54
Exactly. Like I said, just like lots of tears and anxiety about going to high school and their futures.

Lauren 15:00
And I feel like a lot, a lot of it now, too is, you know, we see a lot of issues with social media, Snapchat just are our favorite that we see all the time. But it’s almost like they were never able just to be kids. And I feel like that there’s just such an expectation of them to be adults, that they never were able to mess up. Like, they’re just never, they have to be perfect. And I think that that’s a, it gives them a lot of pressure.

Lauren Tingle 15:26
And it’d be hard to live in that.

Lauren 15:27
Yes. And I’m happy that social media wasn’t really a thing. When I was in high school. We had like, what was it MySpace, like that, and that was it. But now it’s all of the you can just easily see all this, like the celebrity stuff, and people contouring their face. And like everyone looks like they’re 20. But they’re actually 14.

Lauren 15:47
So I just, I feel like, I feel like the kids have a lot of pressure to just grow up, when they’re not able to just enjoy being kids. And I normally say that, like just give yourself time to enjoy being a kid because you have four years after this, like you have four years to be a kid and then you have to kind of grow up a little bit. So just enjoy it.

Lauren Tingle 16:06
So if you could say something to the parents of eighth and ninth graders, right now, as you’re an expert in eighth graders at this point, what would you say to those parents? What advice would you give them or a wake up call or anything that you would like to tell them?

Lauren 16:21
I would like to tell them to chill out. But I would say like, stop doing everything for your kids, like, let them make a mistake. And then if they make a mistake, like talk it through with them not, don’t just go fix it for them, like they have to figure out, they have to figure out how to make the mistakes and how to fix them. You can guide them doing that. But you know, we have parents that sit down still in eighth grade and do their homework with their student. And I’m just what are you going to do when they go to college?

Lauren Tingle 16:48
And who has time for that?

Lauren 16:49
Right? Like, go live your adult life.

Lauren Tingle 16:53
Go live your adult life. I would always tell high school students like I’ve already done this once before, I don’t need to get my diploma again, so that I can’t imagine a parent. And again, I’m not in that place yet as a parent, maybe that pressure but man, I’ve got other things to do.

Lauren 17:08
Yes, exactly. Exactly.

Lauren Tingle 17:11
Well you made such a good point. You want them to fail under your care and your leadership and in your home where you can have a conversation about that. Allowing them to fail is a good thing.

Lauren 17:23
Yeah. Like if they if they fail a test that you know that they studied for it’s okay. It like It’s fine. I would have kids crying because I got 85 on their test. And I said, it’s still it’s still a B. And then they’re, they go no, my mom’s gonna be so mad. I was like, because you’ve got a B?

Lauren 17:39
I just I think I just I, I understand to a point. But I think that it’s okay to mess up because you’re not going to learn otherwise. Or when you go to college, the first time you fail a test is when you go to college, and then the professor’s like, Okay, well, sorry. Right?

Lauren Tingle 17:55
And then you’ve got to work through those emotions on your own, not there. And what does that look like?

Lauren Tingle 18:01
When I think of my young daughter who I can already tell us a perfectionist, as a parent, I think I I want her to have a failing experience so that she knows what that honestly feels like and that she knows that I’m not going to be disappointed in her for the rest of her life or something like, right, it’s a normal thing. And I want you to do that so you can learn and grow.

Lauren Tingle 18:21
And I hope that at least the adults in the school building are letting students know that and giving them that safe place to fall. You know, like, you know, that is a key role of what you’re doing as a counselor that whether their parents are doing that for them or not at home, you get to do that in the school building. That’s pretty special.

Lauren 18:38
Yeah, for sure.

Lauren Tingle 19:29
What are your eighth graders like at the beginning of the school year versus the end of the year?

Lauren 19:34
I will say the beginning of the year, they’re always just feeling themselves. They think they are the coolest thing to have ever graced all of our presence. And it’s just and it’s really funny to watch because I think that as sixth graders and go into seventh grade, they see the eighth graders being like these super mature adults in their building and then they get there and they’re trying to learn I fulfill that role.

Lauren 20:01
And then we see some behavior issues, again, like social media drama, and then something like clicks after Christmas, where all of a sudden, they kind of just like, slow down a little. And then start kind of thinking through things a little bit more like analytically. Where I think, you know, going from sixth or seventh to eighth grade, it’s just a beautiful thing.

Lauren 20:21
Because I work really hard with my kids to be able to like, identify their emotions, how to work through them, and then seeing it unfold towards the end of eighth grade where they do have issues with each other, they’ll go, just pull them in here, just I’ll just sit down and talk with them. Okay. I mean, that’s great. You’re more than welcome to do that, right?

Lauren 20:41
Because normally, they’ll just go, oh, well, I’m just gonna text down here and just text them. And then you can’t read anything the right ways. Everyone’s in a fight. So I love watching them grow up. And at the end of eighth grade, I feel like they’re just while they tell me they’re not ready, I think that they are ready to just not be with, you know, the little sixth and seventh graders anymore.

Lauren Tingle 21:01
Yeah. And then you’re trying to give them that next boost of confidence that they need, like, Yes, you are ready, you’ve grown so much, even if you don’t remember it, and you are ready for that next step of independence. And then they’re still really secretly nervous in the back of their minds, because I know they’re about to be the little tiny fish next year.

Lauren 21:18
Uh huh. Yes. And then because we live with them, I’ll say like, the last two weeks, it’s like clockwork, this is the third time I, I will have rotated with my kids at my school. Like the last two weeks of school, I have so many kids in my office, and they’re not, they don’t want to talk about anything. They just want to sit there. And I go, so what’s going on? They’re like, Well, what high school are you gonna go to? I said, I’m not going to high school with you. Like, I’m sorry.

Lauren Tingle 21:44
Seniors do the same thing. They start like milling around, start hanging out in your office. I’m like, go to class. What are you doing here? But I think you’re right. I think it’s just this like safe environment that you’ve cultivated in your office and with your personality that they still want to be connected to you. And they don’t want to say goodbye yet.

Lauren 22:03
Yes, absolutely. And then like, and then they realize I go back to sixth grade with a whole new group of kids. And they go, Well, you have new kids. And I go, yeah, they’re like, Well, you’re not going to like them more than me. And I said, Surely, I will not.

Lauren Tingle 22:18
You will always be my favorite. That’s every single student, yes.

Lauren Tingle 22:26
Okay, tell us, I would love to hear this kind of from probably everyone in the series that I do with this. Do you have anything unique at your school or part of your school counseling program? Unique offerings or ways that you connect with students or programs that you put on? Like, I know, every school and school counseling department kind of has its own personality and own creative ways of connecting with students. What have you all kind of done?

Lauren 22:51
As I was talking about before, with just creating that relationship with our feeder high schools, we also do the same thing with our elementary school counselors. So I feel like again, because we all have a good relationship and can communicate well. If I weren’t at school, and then the fifth grade counselors were coming, I know that one of my co counselors would totally get the lowdown, who can be in classes and who who would do best here, and then they will be able to tell me.

Lauren 23:16
But like I’m saying with looping, I feel like that’s not something that you find everywhere. And it allows relationships with students to kind of develop, like naturally, instead of feeling forced and rush to like know, every single thing about every kid and what their first and last name is, and all the things. Because a lot of kids in sixth grade that didn’t talk to me, they’ll talk to me in eighth grade.

Lauren 23:16
And that’s because we really do a good job like pushing into classrooms and working on classroom lessons. And we’re able to have that space, which is great. And the teachers at our school are really supportive of our program. It’s been a lot of work, like we’ve had to really work towards where we are right now with administrators understanding what we do and what our job is and where the line is between us and them.

Lauren Tingle 23:57
But that’s such a good point that it could take a kid a really long time to warm up. I mean, while overcoming the transition of coming into the school. And then in middle school, you only have three years compared to the four years that we have in high school that it could take a while. But if you’re looping with them, you get to see that transformation and they have that one person that they trust.

Lauren 24:15
Yes. And then like I was saying, with the classroom lessons, I’m always in the classes, I’m always in the hallway. So for those kids that, like you said, take a little time to warm up. They see me constantly and then see other kids wanting to come talk with me.

Lauren 24:28
And then I always try to say like, if you’re coming to my office, it doesn’t mean you’re in trouble. I have kids in my office all day. They’re always finding they always know where I am. Right. So it’s not like it’s not you’re not in trouble. It’s not a weird thing to come and see me and I think that for some of them, it does take to eighth grade where they go Oh, well. She is a cool person. Thank you.

Lauren Tingle 24:48
Like what I’ve been saying the whole time.

Lauren 24:50
I know I told you I was cool. I told you in sixth grade. I was really cool. Have you realizing it before you go to high school?

Lauren Tingle 24:57
What are your favorite classroom lessons to do? Do you have to topics that you love doing.

Lauren 25:01
Yeah. So, again, this is the third group I’ve looped with, I’ve really narrowed it down with like sixth grade, I hit, like handling emotions, social cues, with those classroom lessons. And then seventh grade, I really like to start the high school prep stuff, then instead of waiting until eighth grade.

Lauren 25:18
So as I said before, we’re a magnet school. So all of our kids will go all over the district to each high school, when they leave me. And we’ll do a lot of like high school exploration where they look up their career centers, they look up their school they’re supposed to go to.

Lauren 25:34
And then the high schools also have magnet programs. So if they want to apply to those, if we just give them a whole class, just to just sit and look up everything. So then that way, they feel like they’re making the decision and know what the magnet process is. And I also do a GPA lesson in seventh grade, that has been really fine tuned, because I’ve taught it every single year since I’ve been at my school.

Lauren Tingle 25:55
Well you know, and this is wild, but you say all this because they come into high school and act like they’ve never heard it before.

Lauren 26:00
Well, right. And the reason why I made this GPA lesson is because I talked to our feeder high school counselors, and I was like, what do you need these kids to know when they get to you? And they said, like, what a GPA is and I kind of laughed. I said, What do you mean, you don’t they don’t know what a GPA is. They’re like, they have no idea.

Lauren Tingle 26:17
You’re like, what have I been doing for two years?

Lauren 26:22
Right, right. And I said, Okay, well, like give me bullet points of like things you want your ninth graders to know about grades and GPAs. And one of them said, like, your GPA doesn’t restart every year, you’re in high school. And I said, they don’t. Again, I just I had no idea they had known that these kids had no idea.

Lauren 26:41
So I would like to say, because there’s one specific lesson that I do that at least like my kids know, what’s up when they get to high school. And we go over like high school graduation requirements. And I know it goes like boom, over their head. But in eighth grade, they have to have graduation meetings with a counselor and their parent.

Lauren 27:00
And so again, I want to also have them prepared for that. So if they do have a parent, that’s very much like they are going to be a doctor, and they’re going to the college I went to I want them to at least feel like they can kind of stick up for themselves where they they know what they’re talking about what classes they want to take, so.

Lauren Tingle 27:16
I love that because you know, your student population and you know, kind of what those meetings can turn into that you get to equip the student to be a leader in the meeting and to have a voice. Because it’s the same when they get to high school to they have the same arguments with their parents while they’re sitting there. And you feel awkward as a counselor trying to have a counseling session between all three of them.

Lauren Tingle 27:36
But yeah, when you know the student, and you’ve equipped them, like, Hey, we’ve already actually met and talked about this in your classroom, and you understand this, like they can advocate for themselves too, which I think is a huge win.

Lauren 27:47
Yep. They also calculate their GPAs at that lesson. So I’m awful at math, but I can calculate GPA like really fast now. So I’ll teach the kids how to do that. And then we talked about high school credit courses, because a lot of ours in eighth grade are taking algebra one and English one. And I don’t want them to go to eighth grade. And then just not try really hard. And they go whenever when it’s going to be on your high school transcript or in college with you if that’s what you want to do.

Lauren 28:11
So it’s go time when you get to eighth grade. So I just, again, selfishly, I just want to feel like my group of kids are just really, really set when they get to high school, because I just want to send them off and feel really good about it.

Lauren Tingle 28:24
But yeah, and that’s all you can do.

Lauren 28:26
Exactly. Eighth grade would go over more career stuff, and then get them ready for the graduation plan meetings. And then we’ll do like adulting lessons where how expensive life is. And that’s always really great to see too.

Lauren Tingle 28:38
If they have a reality check, right? But then that ties into the career stuff, and it helps them set some goals and have a realistic expectation of what’s out there. And how much things cost.

Lauren Tingle 28:49
My six year old just realize that, like everything costs money, when she asked me why we’re not going on a trip, like every week this summer, I was like girl, you know, it costs money. And she was like, why it blew her mind. Like we’re starting those conversations now too.

Lauren 29:05
Uh huh. Yeah, I told my son, I said, we were at the grocery store today. And he goes, Can I get, can I get this snack or whatever? I said, Well, we buy that then it’s less money to have on our vacation. And he’s like, Well, what do you mean? I said, it’s not just like you said, it’s not like you just go and everything’s free. Like you have to pay for it.

Lauren Tingle 29:24
Now, tell me about your counseling relationship, your counselors relationship and your department and you with your administrators. Do you have a team that functions really well together? You don’t need to speak poorly about them. I’m not asking you to do that. Like what do they do well, what do you wish they did differently? You kind of alluded to the fact that that has taken some work to get to a good place.

Lauren 29:46
Yeah, totally out that when I started at my school, where I’m where I am right now, counselors were very much looked at as another administrator. And while I appreciated that they held us so highly and thinking that we can do all these things which we can. We don’t want to sign up for that? No, no.

Lauren 30:07
And you know, just with like starting any job like your first year as a counselor, your 10th year as a counselor at a new school, like it’s, I really had to just sit back for the first school year and just bite your tongue and watch it all happen. Oh, yeah, watch the whole thing and, and just kind of get the vibe.

Lauren 30:23
And then my second year, I just remember kind of saying, Well, do we have to be in the cafeteria every single day? Because I remember I needed to do a small group. And I would just, I had no time. So I said, Okay, well, well, I’ll do it at lunch. And then my admin said, Well, you have, you have to be at lunch, I said, Okay, I’ll do my small group in the cafeteria. And none of the kids talked and I felt so bad.

Lauren 30:47
But we just need to prove a point, though. Yes, I was proving a point. And then like I said, because I was with all the kids all the time, I would try to sit with a small group. And it was just like, a cluster of children all being like, I want to color too you have candy? So it was baby steps to kind of get where we’re at now.

Lauren 31:05
Grade level counselors still work with the grade level admin. So like, next year, I’ll work with the eighth grade grade level admin. And then we have, obviously, our grade level. But again, you’ve really established the line of like, this is my job up to here, and then this is what I’m gonna call you, and then you’re gonna take it from there.

Lauren 31:24
So, and even with teachers as well, that’s been a big battle too, with just saying, like, if I come take a kid out of your room, it’s because they’re crying, and they’re not going to get a referral. So like, that’s what happens if I come. But if you need them, because they’re a disruption, and they need to have a referral, that’s an administrator thing, don’t call me.

Lauren Tingle 31:44
Because I’m not doing it so different. And to me, I think our teachers at the school that I was at, the teachers never confused us for disciplinarians. But they might not know what a student would be doing when they would leave their classroom. So they would think either it wasn’t valuable, or whatever, I thought you were just gonna say that when they were crying, it’s like, you’re helping them so they can come back and focus, know your teachers thought they’re gonna get in trouble when they leave. So it’s like, if the teachers think that then of course, the kids think that, like, no one knows what you do.

Lauren 32:13
Right? So it’s, again, it’s great now, but we really had to put our foot down of yes, I’m gonna do this, or no, I’m not going to do this. But when we say no, it’s no, I can’t because I have to do blah, blah, blah, you know, the art of saying no of just saying, like, I can’t do this for you, because I have to go meet with this kid. Because we have an individual counseling session or, you know, just just having a pocket of things, that it’s something that is not your role, because the administrator, okay, well, what do I have to do that’s counselory at the time where I can’t do that.

Lauren Tingle 32:48
Yeah, well, I’m glad that you said that. Because I think that’s encouraging for people to hear. Sometimes people step into roles, or they’ve just been somewhere for so long that they feel like they can’t change the culture of their school. And I don’t know that you need to change the whole culture of your school, you there’s so many things that like shape that culture, but you can change the perception of the counselors and the counseling department if you really want to, I mean, it’s so doable.

Lauren 33:11
If you want to be seen differently, then there’s things that you can do. And there’s so many resources out there. I mean, ASKA, you know, ASKA websites, all great and wonderful. But I’ll say just even with social media now, and all the school counseling, like your podcast, and I know there’s a middle school one, and just there’s so many different resources that you can reach out to.

Lauren 33:30
Even just to feel like, you’re not the only one that’s struggling with this, or people have ideas of like, oh, you’re struggling with this, try this. I did this at my school, this is what we did. And it’s just it, it feels like more of a bigger support group where instead of you just being by yourself, and you’re just sitting here struggling and hating your job.

Lauren Tingle 33:47
And no one got into this to hate their job, which I always like tell students, parents, everything, like we’re all on the same team. They don’t pay me enough to be here hating my job, like I’m here, because I love it. And I love y’all. So like, please believe me in that. And then same like with your team and your greater team at your school, like, you want to make an impact on students. And you do that through your role. It’s a very specialized role, you have to be able to do what you went to school to do.

Lauren 34:14
Absolutely, absolutely. And I’ll say the admin at our school, they do a really good job with communicating like, Hey, I had this kid in my office, they got in trouble for whatever, I have to call home who should I call? Because again, they know that we live with them, especially by the time they get to eighth grade. You know, they just they know that we know the kids really well when they get there or it’s this kid has to get removed from a classroom. This is who it is like, what can you tell me about them?

Lauren 34:39
And I think that I feel very valued at my school. Like I feel like they understand that we’re not only doing our jobs, we’re just doing them well enough where the kids are always with us. They’re always with us always want to talk to us like word vomit all the time. And I just I think that the relationship we have with our administrators are great, especially since now that line between like, this is me and now it’s you, it has been really well established.

Lauren Tingle 35:05
I love that. And that, like you said, that goes so far in terms of like trust and just that working relationship for them to turn to you and ask for your expertise and your relational knowledge. Like, what do you know about this student and they trust you enough to know that you’re doing your job really well that you have an answer for them, right? You know your students well enough, because you would feel offended if you found out that like, they didn’t come and ask you and you’re like, this student is in my office all the time. I know everything there is to know about them.

Lauren 35:35
I know that they’re getting in trouble, because their parents just told them that they’re gonna get a divorce. That’s why they’re acting like this, but no one asked me.

Lauren Tingle 35:43
And you have enough of those that you go to administrate, and you’re like, hey, we need to talk about this. If something feels off, like come and ask me. And yes, I mean, you build a relationship with the admin that you work with, because of stuff like that, like where you both can pass things off and high five and know that they’re going to do their role, and you’re going to do yours. That’s huge.

Lauren Tingle 36:02
Y’all can conquer the world when you have a good admin and a good counselor working together. Absolutely.

Lauren Tingle 36:09
Okay, we just talked about so many things, and I loved all of it. Is there anything we didn’t talk about in terms of eighth graders that you feel like high school counselors need to know that we did not touch on?

Lauren 36:20
No, I feel like we talked about all the things. I really feel like we talked about all the things.

Lauren Tingle 36:24
That’s great. Well, I loved getting to talk with you, I love getting to hear your perspective, taking these students from, you know, awkward to a little bit more confident, maybe a little too confident. And then they get to high school and we knock them back down again.

Lauren 36:38
It’s okay. They need it.

Lauren Tingle 36:40
I love hearing your perspective about. For as big of a district that you and I both were I worked in you work in like crazy that we had never crossed paths or anything before, because our schools are just clear across town. But we’re dealing with the same stuff.

Lauren Tingle 36:56
And I think eighth grade counselors who listen to this, ninth grade counselors, high school counselors who listen to this will will find value in even if their school has a completely different demographic, like they’re gonna relate to something that you said in here, because you gave us a lot to think about.

Lauren 37:11
Oh, well, thank you. I hope so. I hope it helps for sure. Well, thanks

Lauren Tingle 37:14
Well thanks for being on the pod, Lauren.

Lauren 37:16
Thanks for having me.

Lauren Tingle 37:18
What a fun episode. I hope you found yourself nodding giving an Amen. Clapping saying Yes, girl, I see you I hear you. That is me, as a counselor listening to this episode.

Lauren Tingle 37:32
I just know that there is something in here that you will relate to whether you’re a middle school counselor who found this podcast or your high school counselor who is always been listening.

Lauren Tingle 37:42
If you’re listening to this and you are a ninth grade counselor, or you help with that transition in any way to ninth grade, you’re going to want to grab my transition to ninth grade presentation which I’ll link in the show notes. There is a presentation a planning guide or a bundle of the two of them discounted together when you purchase them. So I’ll link all that in the show notes along with where you can find Lauren, one crafty counselor.

Lauren Tingle 38:04
So go ahead and check her out on Etsy in all the places she’s super creative. She’s a fun follow whether it’s for her crafty creations or her counseling content. Lauren gave us a lot to think about as a middle school counselor sending her students up to the high school. And I know we have a lot to consider now that we have the insight of an eighth grade counselor. I’ll see you all next week.