How to Seamlessly Transition 400 Ninth Graders into High School with Felicia Carter [Episode 137]

Lauren Tingle 0:00
Our guest today normalizes the ninth grade experience for everyone involved. Whether you’re a counselor who’s about to step into this new position or you’re experienced, and you’ve been working with ninth graders forever in a day. Maybe you’re listening as a counselor who is also the parent of a child who will be a ninth grader one day, or maybe you’re just a former ninth grader yourself, you’re gonna find yourself flashing back to ninth grade, remembering how fast it truly went by.

Lauren Tingle 0:28
This week, you’re hearing from Felicia Carter, a ninth grade counselor in western North Carolina. Felicia is starting her 19th year as a high school counselor with about a decade spent mainly helping out with ninth graders. She loves to chat about her experience as a school counselor, especially high school transitions. Her motto is to work smarter, not harder in this job that can be all consuming.

Lauren Tingle 0:49
This conversation just bring solidarity to the nerves that ninth graders are bringing into the building and the drama that they’re toting along also so much drama, Felicia says. I think my favorite part of the episode was just hearing how Felicia practically makes it all come together every year even with a caseload of 400 students. So I hope that’s encouraging to you. She’ll tell us what she’s learned in her 19 years as a counselor and what she’s let go of along the way.

Lauren Tingle 1:22
Hey, Felicia, welcome to the podcast. I’m so excited to have a longtime follower and podcast listener on the pod.

Felicia 2:02
I know it’s so fun. It’s like talking to a friend. I feel like we’ve just connected over the whole high school counseling world and then just been able to grow that. So it’s it’s just fun. Like talking to an old friend.

Lauren Tingle 2:15
It is I’m pumped that you’re here and we get to have a conversation about ninth graders this week.

Felicia 2:20
Yes, I love talking about ninth graders.

Lauren Tingle 2:22
Okay, you work with strictly ninth graders. Tell us about like what your caseload like how long you’ve been doing that and what your situation at your school is like.

Felicia 2:31
I have about 400 9th graders on my caseload.

Lauren Tingle 2:34
So many, it’s so much drama.

Felicia 2:37
It’s so much drama, actually have that as a note, as one of the things to talk about. I have 400 on my caseload, we are a school of about 1500 total students of the rest of the high school separates by alpha group. So I’m the only one that does 9th grade. And so I love that because I feel like I can do that really well. And really plan the transitions. And it’s, it’s been my favorite. It’s my favorite group in high school is ninth grade, just for all the reasons, but that’s my current situation.

Felicia 3:08
Prior to that, I was working in a very small school that was very focused on the STEM aspect of learning. And I had 400 total students at that school. So I did all grade levels. And then prior to that I was at another public high school, I spent primarily most of my years working with only ninth graders there, too.

Lauren Tingle 3:28
Okay, so you were like the woman for the job when he stepped into this ninth grade role. And it sounds like you’ve never looked back. Like if everybody else is alpha, you probably fought to keep ninth graders that way.

Felicia 3:39
Absolutely. And actually, is the reason why I applied for this job. Because I knew that that’s where I was at, as far as the things I’m good at, was with that age group. And so when that came open, and I also helps that it’s only eight minutes down the road. It was the perfect, perfect thing.

Lauren Tingle 3:55
Okay, we’ll talk about that. What things do you feel like you’re good at that you bring to that ninth grade age?

Felicia 4:01
Well I just I love that age. I love the age because it’s a fresh start. I mean, I always tell families and students, there’s a reason why you guys are called freshmen, because it’s a brand new fresh start, and their challenges and everything they faced in middle school, it’s almost as if you can wipe it away, you know, and have this whole brand new beginning.

Lauren Tingle 4:23
Yeah, new teachers, new administrators, just new adults in the building that hopefully don’t have any preconceived notions of you. I mean, sometimes it follows, but you want to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Felicia 4:34
That’s right. And, you know, when we go and talk to them at the middle school, that’s one of the things we bring up is, hey, you can make this what you want it to be. Don’t think about what’s happened in the past. Don’t think about what you’re currently doing. And actually, if you don’t like how things are currently going, you still have time to pick up the pace and turn it around or get some help.

Felicia 4:55
And then we just start a brand new beginning. Plus they’re so fun. I mean, you can still ninth graders you can still be kind of silly with, they don’t think you’re super lame, yet.

Lauren Tingle 5:04
It gives them confidence, honestly, like when you show them it’s okay to be silly or mess up or like embarrass yourself. They’re like, Oh, okay, like, I can do that too.

Felicia 5:14
Yeah, like, we’re all gonna look goofy in this high school together and not know what we’re doing. Look at that lady.

Lauren Tingle 5:20
She’s all weird. I could be a weirdo too, because, you know, they’re like, they still feel like everybody’s looking at me. And I mean, you’re a freshman all eyes on you, when you walk into the building, you think everyone is staring at you.

Felicia 5:33
It’s so true. And being a part of that, helping them understand that the sky really is the limit. And they’ve just started, even though they’re starting high school, I know what that feels like, I have a senior now who’s about to be a senior. And so it does go by really quickly. But you can make changes. And so I just love that it’s just a whole new beginning.

Lauren Tingle 5:53
I feel like you get to be the person who brings a lot of hope right now in ninth grade, like, you know, the senior counselor is stressed out because they’re at the very end, and they might have people who won’t make it. But like, you’re just at the very beginning of that journey. And you get, you get to give out a lot of that hope, when they come in and see the fresh start and ask them like, what do you need help with? How can I get you to where those goals are that you have?

Felicia 6:19
Absolutely. In here, what they’ve been told in the past too and middle school, and sometimes it’s not the most positive thing. And so to be able to say, Well, you were told this, but here’s the reality. And here’s how you can shape your future.

Lauren Tingle 6:34
Yeah, what kinds of things do you put in place for them as they transition in from eighth grade into your ninth grade?

Felicia 6:40
It’s funny, I tell everybody that I feel like I turned into this counselor to 800 students, 800 students not to scare anybody out there, who wants to maybe do a ninth grade position. But you know, in the spring semester, you’re really you still have your 400 caseload of current ninth graders. But then you start transitioning to these middle schools and talking to the eighth graders. And then it’s as if you have 400 more.

Lauren Tingle 7:07
So you go to the middle schools, and you talk to them, and then they’re probably like sending you emails and starting to reach out to you.

Felicia 7:13
Yes, they do. You know, you try to professionally kind of head that off and say, you know, let me direct you back to your counselor at the middle school.

Lauren Tingle 7:22
Right, until you leave that building.

Felicia 7:25
Try to, try to stay with them. So what we do is, I’ll start with the spring semester, because I feel like, okay, they’re in eighth grade, and we’re doing that part of the transition. So in that spring semester, around February, we will go, I say we, it’s myself in an administrator will go down to the middle schools, we have two feeder middle schools that come into our high school, which is also a great blessing. Because if you have new students, not to mention the ninth graders who are scared about this whole new start and all these people, I just tell them, we’re all new. Everyone is new, you know, even if you’ve been in our county in this district forever.

Felicia 7:25
There are still people to meet there. You don’t know, right?

Felicia 7:26
Yeah. So nobody’s going to know that you’re just a brand new kid, or they’re not going to know you’re from this middle school or that middle school. So we will go down to the middle schools. I like to do big overview. I bring kids with me.

Lauren Tingle 8:20
Oh, that’s fun. Like current ninth graders?

Felicia 8:22
Actually, I take all ages.

Lauren Tingle 8:24
Oh, I love it.

Felicia 8:25
Yeah, I try to reach a lot of demographics, a lot of different activities, clubs, sports, the arts.

Lauren Tingle 8:32
Is that, like a large like assembly, like they’re in a big auditorium when you do that and you have like a panel on stage?

Felicia 8:37
We do a panel at each Middle School, it’s different, is typically actually kind of small, I’ll spend all day at one of our middle schools that’s really big. And they’ll just bring them into the media center. And they just break them up by classes. They organize all that for me.

Felicia 8:53
And then I’ll just bring our students, I’ll let them talk really, that’s who they want to hear from, are those students talk about the important parts about high school. And then also, that’s where I streamline a few things. I’ve learned to do that over the years, where I go ahead and they bring their laptops, and we get them signed up for their Google Classroom. Our school has a Google Classroom for each class. So each graduating class has that.

Lauren Tingle 9:17
So you’re able to start communicating with them, like, hit the ground running, they’re your students. And now they’re, you’re in contact with them. That’s great.

Felicia 9:23
Yeah, immediately, and have them sign up for their remind group. So the text messaging system, so we do that, too. So that’s we start that in the spring, around February, March.

Felicia 9:35
Then we’ll go back, they get their selections for classes. We talk about that at this meeting, too. They get their selections, they get to go home, talk to their families about it, ask them questions to their current eighth grade counselors. And then we come back and that’s when I bring a whole team so all of our counselors, some administrators, and we just divide and conquer, and we help them register for their classes and put it in we use PowerSchool so we help them put it in PowerSchool. And so that’s how they get their classes.

Felicia 10:05
And then, of course, there’s a parent night, where parents can come and ask a ton of questions, try to ease their, you know, any concerns, they’re just as nervous as the students. They’re so nervous. And, you know, parents of ninth graders used to intimidate me, I think before I had kids, and then had older kids. And now I just feel for him. I get it.

Lauren Tingle 10:28
You’ve been through it, and you’re like, Okay, now I see why you’re nervous.

Felicia 10:31
Absolutely. So that is part of the planning in the beginning of their eighth grade year. And it just keeps flowing. So, you know, I’ve got the communication piece figured out for the most part, then once they get into our system over the summer, we can send out messages to them, which we do, because we also do a half day freshman orientation.

Lauren Tingle 10:53
I love that, in the summer, before school starts?

Felicia 10:57
It’s the Friday before, before school starts, we do a half day orientation. We also have peer mentors that work directly with our freshmen. And so they are there, they run the whole entire day, I do a training with them as well, but they run the whole entire day. So these freshmen get to meet their peer mentors, they get to find their classes, do some team building, have a hot dog that our principal grilled.

Lauren Tingle 11:23
What is it about back to school, buy some hot dogs same at my school, like, that’s what we’re looking forward to, I don’t know, the whole school is like here’s your hot dog.

Felicia 11:34
And if they don’t want a hot dog, I tell them just you know, they can bring their lunch. And the other cool part is we have a really great PTSO we’re working really hard on school spirit at our school. And they for the past six years, I guess, have purchased these class of T shirts that every single ninth grader get. So they get the class of what will they be 2028.

Lauren Tingle 12:01
Fostering the sense of belonging right from the beginning, like making them feel like they’re a part of something because, again, I feel like that would be a thing that an eighth, eighth grader ninth grader would really desire to feel a part of a friend group to feel known. I mean, we all do, but ninth graders, especially who are trying to find their place.

Felicia 12:12
Yeah. And that’s it trying to figure out where do they belong? Where do they fit in this new world. So it’s just a really fun day. And I was really surprised. I started it when I first started working at this school. And I was concerned that no one was going to show up. Right?

Lauren Tingle 12:33
We all have that like nightmare the night before. Like I’ve put on this big event. I’ve put a lot of time energy thought money into this, are people going to come?

Felicia 12:42
Yes. And so it was like 375 showed up.

Lauren Tingle 12:45
That’s amazing.

Felicia 12:46
I know, I was so surprised. I also hold a parent night, the night before all of this just so we make sure we have all our ducks in a row. If we need any field trip form sign because some of them, we do provide some transportation is limited, but we provide some, I think that helps too.

Lauren Tingle 13:04
Like who does that? Like social workers or you have like district buses kind of going out and picking people up?

Felicia 13:09
Our school bus. Our school buses go out. And typically it’s our administrators driving the bus.

Lauren Tingle 13:19
Like whatever it takes, every kid matters. Let’s get him in the doors.

Felicia 13:23
Yes. And I mean, you know, you understand your school counselor. You just ask for a lot and just hope for the best. And the worst they can say is no.

Lauren Tingle 13:33
And who wants to turn down like a kid who wants to show up to school? Like, yes, I’m gonna go pick you up. I mean, you know, when the school year starts, that’s one thing you’re gonna hop on the bus, but like, you want that person to be included as well.

Felicia 13:46
Right? Especially Yes, absolutely. So we’ll do a parent night the night before this. So it’s usually the Thursday before all this happens. answer some more questions, get some field trip forms, if I need them, remind them one more time, hey, tomorrow is ninth grade orientation. So I feel like it’s just one more way to sell what we’re doing. And just make them feel like they’re a part of the family.

Lauren Tingle 14:08
Yeah, so the ninth grade, the half day event, that’s just the students. The parents aren’t coming to that and you do the parents the night before, but you also have like an open house and stuff like does it feel like too much? Are you overwhelmed? Or it’s just like, This is what we do now. And it works of everyone. It helps get the information out?

Felicia 14:23
You know, I feel like it’s the best because so many people can’t come to everything. Not to mention, I don’t know if all states counties districts are like this, but you’ve got a lot of school shoppers out there.

Lauren Tingle 14:35
Yeah, they’re still deciding, yeah, all the way down to the last minute.

Felicia 14:40
And so I really feel like the one that we have, towards the end of the school year in the spring, get some of those school shoppers and get some of those people who are looking for tours and trying to come in for that. But also, I mean, we also know that it takes about seven repetitions to learn things, to know things So I think if they can hear it as many times as possible, it’s good.

Felicia 15:05
So we do all that right before school starts. As far as transition goes. And then during the school year, like I said, they have peer mentors that come in, meet with them bi weekly, once a week, the peer mentors are with two specific teachers, that will lead them through the lessons that they’re going to give to the students the next week.

Lauren Tingle 15:25
Okay, let me pause you went through so many things. Are you doing this all by herself? Or do you have like, a Freshman Academy coordinator? Or like, do you work really closely with the administrator for ninth grade it? Was it just one administrator? Like, who’s putting all this on? Has it all been your brainchild? Or do you have like lots of people on the team?

Felicia 15:44
There’s a lot of help in our school. I would say a lot of it’s been my idea. But remember what I said earlier, just ask people for things, and usually they’re going to help. And so luckily, that’s been what’s happened, you know, said, Hey, I’ve got this idea. Can we do it? Sure. I need these resources. Okay.

Felicia 16:01
And so, definitely, in the beginning, I was doing a lot by myself. And I said, Hey, I really need some help. And then that’s when I looked around to some teachers that I thought, okay, they could do a good job with this. And so last year, they helped out a lot and took on the peer mentors a little bit more, it took them under their wings.

Lauren Tingle 16:19
Did you feel like you had to, like, put yourself out there and, and carry some of that load, just to like, get it off the ground and say, like, Hey, I think this could work I want I’m gonna do it. And now you need to trust me and like, now I leave the help. 100%? Yes, I think that’s really scary for people sometimes.

Felicia 16:35
Absolutely. I would say that if you had asked me, you know, when I first started being a school counselor, if I would ever try to do anything like that, I would say you’re crazy. Because it is it’s big, but I guess the more you do things, you know, the more you’re used to it and, you figure out, there are really people who are just can be just as invested as you are.

Lauren Tingle 16:57
Yeah. And I found there are people who could be better at something that you have an idea about than you are or they could bring some really good ideas. But if you’re not asking them for help, or asking for their feedback, or asking for their ideas, like you’ll be stressed, never knowing that there’s somebody else out there who could like multiple you and your energy and your effort.

Felicia 17:15
Right. And if you’re not, you know, happy about it, and you’re not bringing a positive energy to it, then your kids aren’t going to like it either. So you’re right.

Lauren Tingle 17:26
And no one wants to be on that team with you if you’re not excited about it. I’m sure someone who’s listening to this who’s thinking about implementing such things is not going to be like the negative Nancy, who is like complaining about stuff all the time, because you value ideas. And part of that is just like getting excited to get other people on board for that. So hopefully, you know, we’ve already got the right attitude going into this.

Felicia 17:49
Definitely. And maybe this will help somebody see that you can do it.

Lauren Tingle 17:54
Yeah. If somebody was a ninth grade counselor, but they were like, divided by alpha, would you say you just like assign someone to be kind of the point person of some of these events? And then you all divide and conquer? Like, how would somebody with like a different caseload model you think to this?

Felicia 18:11
I think so. I mean, maybe somebody could take on, just specifically registration. And so many can take on specifically, you know, peer mentors, or whatever type of programming you wanted to do to foster that student relationship? Like divide and conquer, divide it? Yeah, yeah. And then work together.

Felicia 18:31
But I do you think it’s valuable to have other people in the school that are not just counselors involved in it, you know, because it gives whole school buy in, and not just student services or your department.

Lauren Tingle 18:41
And I feel like that would help in the long run. Like, it would not just be something that would die out. Like, if you ever left, and you were not the ninth grade counselor anymore. There are some other people in the school building who know how these things run.

Felicia 18:55
Right? I think ultimately, that that would be the key to build a tradition or to build something that’s just part of your school, that this is just what we do, because it works.

Lauren Tingle 19:04
And that seems like something that is the core of what you’re doing is like the sense of belonging, this tradition, the school pride, like you said, those are all like, reasons why we’re doing this, like, yes, we want to be able to get them on the remind and get announcements to them. But like at the core of why we’re doing this, we want them to transition into a place where they feel known and cared for and like set them up for success for four years. There’s going to require a lot of buy in from a lot of different people and not just one person saying this is important.

Felicia 19:35
Absolutely. And, you know, I think one of the things that my principal said when you know, when I first started there was Felicia, you really got to help us get some school spirit in here. You know, can you help us get some school spirit? Can you help us with the relationship piece? Being aware that that was what was key is there’s all those relationships, you know, at the end of the day, that’s what’s going to keep your school safe too.

Lauren Tingle 19:59
When you signed up to be a high school counselor, you probably didn’t think that tradition building and school spirit was gonna be something you needed to have on your resume. But it sounds like now you’ve got that on your resume. And you could take that and build a culture at a different school or with a different grade level or something. That’s pretty cool.

Felicia 20:16
Absolutely. And, you know, working in all these different things you do find people in your school who are also just as excited about it. And so that has helped too, is finding those teachers that have helped with all of this.

Lauren Tingle 20:29
I would think that would help with like your own job satisfaction and like be you’re excited to show up to work because you just know that you have this energy to feed off of these other people that you found in the school, because it’s not going to be everyone but you gotta find your people.

Felicia 20:41
Absolutely. And I think I enjoy a challenge. Also recognize that about myself. And so it’s equally as satisfying for the people who are the naysayers for them to come and be like, okay, oh, that was kind of fun. That was kind of a fun

Lauren Tingle 20:59
I’m like, I want to make this so that you can not be like that was boring on everyone do that, again, like you want that person to change their mind. Absolutely. And it’s funny that like, we’re thinking of adults for that, like there are adults in your building that are dragging their feet who don’t want to be at the fun event. You’re like, come on, there’s like popsicles and music. Like let’s get excited.

Felicia 21:19
Absolutely. And that’s, that’s the thing. That’s why it’s scary. That’s why it’s scary to do new things. Because what if it fails? Well, it does.

Lauren Tingle 21:27
And then you learn from it. And I’m not going to do it again. Like you figure it out. I think that’s it’s a cool flexibility and creativity that like there’s muscle that we get to work as counselors and we’re problem solvers. We are creative people, whether you have recognized that about yourself or not. And getting to like put on events. I think it’s like a part of some of the fun.

Felicia 21:47
Yes, it is.

Lauren Tingle 21:56
Okay, if you were getting together with other ninth grade counselors, what would you like look at each other and be like we get each other? Like what’s going to make you laugh when you see another ninth grade counselor? Because you know, like we get it?

Felicia 22:54
Oh, goodness. Well, I think there’s not a lot of difference between the things we laugh about with ninth graders as even the other kids but things like I need a snack. There’s always somebody always needs a snack, right?

Lauren Tingle 23:09
Mm hmm.

Felicia 23:10
I need to a note. Yep, I came by to say happy birthday. Isn’t not my birthday. Oh, can I have another thought? Yeah, they get so creative. But I think also, maybe the one that would be most for ninth graders would be the I didn’t know I could actually fail. What do you what do you mean? I am gonna actually have to retake that class or what do you mean, I didn’t think that attendance really counted does it? Does it really count?

Lauren Tingle 23:43
Like for me I thought they were they’re just saying that.

Felicia 23:46
Yeah. Because the middle school they didn’t care you know?

Lauren Tingle 23:50
So it’s like their first realization that like the rules apply to them and they can fail if they don’t do work or you know, they actually will get disciplined if they get in a fight or you know, use their fire torch wrong in welding or something. Those ninth graders man, they haven’t haven’t developed that brain yet. They don’t. They don’t think that the consequences they’re gonna apply to them.

Felicia 24:14
They don’t they don’t. They’re in summer attended school right now. Still coming by saying things like, July you think I really need to come tomorrow?

Lauren Tingle 24:24
Yes, that’s why you are in this predicament in the first place. You probably should be here. Oh, my goodness.

Lauren Tingle 24:31
Okay, what you kind of mentioned like working with parents a little bit. I feel like ninth grade parents would be a unique bunch and you have been there. You’ve been a ninth grade parent before. So like you said your perspective changed a little bit. Maybe talk about that, like before you kind of maybe rolled your eyes at them. And now you’re like, Oh, I get that.

Felicia 24:51
Right. Absolutely. Well, here’s the thing. I think this is another reason why it’s important to do that parent night right before they start because I think.

Lauren Tingle 25:00
You probably head off a lot of phone calls and emails that way.

Felicia 25:04
Absolutely. It’s one of the ways. Prior to this, you’d asked me about streamlining that is a great way to streamline some of the, you know, frequently asked questions, frequently, freak outs, frequent freak out, you can just kind of head it all off at the pass.

Felicia 25:20
And it’s so important for parents to know and to hear from, if it’s not you to hear from someone at the school, that their kids need them more now than they needed on when they were little. I mean, your, these teens need you to be more present now than when they were in elementary school. Now, it’s not going to feel like it.

Lauren Tingle 25:39
They’re gonna push you away, they’re gonna stiff arm you, right.

Felicia 25:42
Absolutely. But that’s also important for parents to know that, hey, it is going to happen probably that they’re going to push away, that’s probably a little healthy. But also letting them know that, hey, that’s, that’s part of the reason why you’ve got these other adults in their lives, these teachers, these counselors, coaches in their lives, because they’re going to need another adult along with you, that’s going to be a safe place.

Felicia 26:08
And so letting them meet people like that, you know, especially at that meeting, and by the administrators, I invite coaches, our school nurse, just anybody that would be important in their lives, so they can just see them, talk to them. See that they do they really do care, that they’re, they’re there for their best interest.

Felicia 26:29
I just think it’s important also to remember when you’re a counselor, just like you said, being patient with the parents, because it is it’s hard. And it’s really, you never realize everybody says don’t blink, it goes by so fast. And it does. But as soon as those feet hit the door in ninth grade, I feel like it was lightning speed. And so I know what these parents are, are feeling like and it’s a hard transition.

Lauren Tingle 26:54
Like they have their own emotions too that they’re thinking, Well, how did we get here, we just started kindergarten like that’s, I imagine that goes by so fast up even to that point, and then they know that it’s coming right around the corner graduation.

Felicia 27:06
Absolutely. I do this thing, the jar full of marbles that I bring out at this particular parent, I mean, I’ll have them say, you know, let’s, let’s estimate how many marbles are in this, you try to make kind of fun. And in the end, there’s 209 marbles in this jar, which represents 209 weeks left, that their kids have left of school period of all of school until they graduate.

Felicia 27:32
And so just to help them visualize, I mean, I wish I had it, I could show people on a podcast what this looks like, but 209 marbles in a jar. They know jars, like it’s not even halfway full. And so it just kind of helps parents think in a way, like, okay, let’s make the most of this. Let’s understand that these people are here to help us too.

Felicia 27:54
And then just reminding myself that they’re going to ask me the same question. Even though, even though we’ve streamlined it, I’m still gonna get that same question a lot, and not and to be patient, because it’s the first time they’ve heard the answer, even though I’ve said it a million times, right? Just a reminder, from my own self, you know.

Lauren Tingle 28:13
Well I think as a parent, like, at this point, with a child who’s entered school, there’s nothing much more than I appreciate, then over communication. I’m like, if you think you’ve said it already, like, we all know, we get a million text messages a day, a million emails, like, I’m like, finding that like, Okay, I gotta filter through it, I’m adding this to my calendar, I’m just like, seeing it from a different perspective as a parent too and we just entered this world.

Lauren Tingle 28:38
But same with high school, and I just, I imagine like getting that communication from all the different teachers, counselors, administrators, phone calls, phone blasts, like, it’s gonna feel like a lot. So they’re still trying to filter that information. So you know, and maybe they have, they don’t have the flexibility to be checking that all the time. And so I also think, like, when you’re standing up there saying it, you have to remember, you got it, you’re talking to people who have never heard this information before, like, this could be their oldest child, their only child, maybe the parent dropped out of school in ninth grade. And like, they haven’t even been through this yet. So, you know, we’re talking to them thinking, we know this stuff. We’ve said it a million times. But for them, it might literally be the very first time they’ve ever heard it.

Felicia 29:22
Right. And if they only hear at one time, can you imagine that’s so hard, you would not remember all the things and so, yeah. And then I think it’s also important just for for us to remind parents that they’re still the expert of their child, even though they may not feel like it anymore. Just giving that boost.

Lauren Tingle 29:41
Like you’re giving the parents a pep talk really at this meeting, like you got this you can do it. You are the expert, you know your child because they are probably feeling really distant from them or like, I don’t know my kid anymore. They just came off of like the angsty years of their child’s life. They probably feel pretty distant from them.

Felicia 29:58
Yeah, they might feel a little traumatized.

Lauren Tingle 30:01
Like, no, it’s gonna get better.

Felicia 30:04
Being real with them, you know, as being real, that it is, it will get better. And there’s gonna be some moments that are really hard. And hopefully you’re gonna have some rewarding moments too.

Lauren Tingle 30:15
Do you give them time in that meeting to, like, connect with each other, and like finding common ground with each other, we’re like, meet each other, or does your district like everybody, the adults kind of know each other too?

Felicia 30:25
No, but that’s a great idea. We don’t, that’s a great idea.

Lauren Tingle 30:28
You know, it’s like any kind of meeting some people hate that kind of stuff. And they want to go and not talk to anyone and leave. But I imagine there’ll be like a camaraderie, seeing that familiar face and that drop off or at the sporting event or something.

Lauren Tingle 30:41
When we did coffee with the counselors, it was always just like a small group of parents who would come, but when those ones would come time and time again. And they were kind of talking and sharing about struggles and good things and hard things, I could see that light them up, like they were coming to learn something that would help socially emotionally like with their kids and having other people relate to that was like, really encouraging to them, I can tell.

Felicia 31:04
I think it’s a great idea. And you really need this parents involved in high school. I mean, you really just do and we do invite the PTSA to this to the orientation just so they can try to see if anybody wants to sign up. And we have an excellent PTSO at our school. So I would love for more to sign up. So it’s great to invite them too.

Lauren Tingle 31:24
Well you know like in high school you’re struggling with like, even how do you introduce yourself to people, but I’m like, still, as an adult, when you’re like new to a school or a setting you’re like, I mean, I think I should introduce myself, I should go first. Like, maybe they’re feeling the same way. And they want to know other people, but they’re shy. And I’m like, and I’m not, but I don’t feel like it right now. But I’m gonna put myself out there and introduce.

Lauren Tingle 31:46
Like, there gonna be a lot of people in that room who feel like that, like I, we’ve never done this high school thing before. And like giving them some like, prompts at the table to like, ask somebody next to them, like, first kid at the high school or whatever. But that’s, that would be like really encouraging to parents to even be in that room with you and experts and telling them that they’re the expert too.

Felicia 32:08
Yeah, it’s a really good idea. See, I’m learning.

Lauren Tingle 32:13
To share some ideas. I know. What hard things are there that you would say? Like you have celebrated working with ninth graders. And it sounds like you really enjoy it, and you really love it. Is there anything that you’re like, this is hard, always.

Felicia 32:26
I think the larger caseload can be a hard thing I would, I would guess that for most people, ninth grade would be the largest. It has been everywhere I’ve worked. So that that’s hard, but manageable. In my opinion, what I’m doing is manageable.

Felicia 32:43
I think that other hard things would be 504s and IEPs. A lot of times, it will fall in the ninth grade. So if for whatever reason, things were missed when they were younger, ninth grades where it hits. So that’s hard. I know, most of us probably don’t love that kind of stuff. That’s probably my least favorite thing.

Lauren Tingle 33:06
They’re like roping you into every single email and every single conversation about it and go pull their file and let’s research and figure out what went wrong. But I bet you’re involved in a lot of that, whether you’re leading it or not.

Felicia 33:19
Right, a lot of it. And so that’s probably for me the biggest thing. It’s not hard for me again, I think it’s a personality thing. But it would be important to know that you are dealing with a lot of drama in ninth grade. A lot of peer mediation, a lot of just honestly being a mom.

Felicia 33:38
I mean, you’re a counselor, for sure. But just like being that, like this is enough kind of a talks, the boundaries, your boundaries have to be real good in 9th grade, I think or else they could just totally walk all over you if you let them the boundaries of, you know, you should be in class right now. And you need to go goodbye, right? Yeah, we’ve had this conversation six times. Now it’s time to go.

Lauren Tingle 34:00
Yeah, you could you could be tricked. I feel like pretty easily if you were like, oh, yeah, you can stay here all day. And then soon, you’ve got 400 students in your office doing the same thing?

Felicia 34:10
Yes. 100%. So boundaries are super important. I think, the public speaking aspect of it, I do feel like I have to talk an awful lot more than my other counselors on my team.

Lauren Tingle 34:23
Yeah, or they could kind of like pass it off to each other. Like, whoever likes to do it the most could show up and do it, but like you’re the face of ninth grade.

Felicia 34:31
Yeah. So there’s that. And so, learning to do that. I mean, at my age now I’m just whatever, you know, just roll with it. But at the beginning, it was just kind of hard to imitating intimidating and then the parent involvement. There’s a lot of parent involvement. And now I really, like I said, I really enjoy it. But in the beginning it was hard because let’s just say when before I even had kids, it was really hard to talk to them sometimes and have that comfort level.

Lauren Tingle 35:01
And I think, like part of you, like wants the student to be independent too. That’s what I find myself kind of with this tension of I want the student to be an advocate for themselves. Like I’m, I know what’s coming down the pipeline, like by the time you get to 12th grade, you need to be able to do that. And so I think I can be like too harsh to a ninth grader thinking like, you come on, like, why is your mom calling the school? Why is your mom sending me an email? And part of that, you know, carries all the way through high school. Some of you’re just gonna have some of those parents who do that.

Lauren Tingle 35:32
But I think I could always stand to like, give some more grace to a ninth grader who like who’s never had to do that before, whose parent hasn’t allowed them to do that if like everybody’s learning in ninth grade, what their roles are, and how to be a little more independent than they were in middle school.

Felicia 35:48
Yeah, and I think those are great things to focus on, especially in classroom guidance, those skills, especially email skills, how to talk to your peers, how to talk to your adults, other adults in the building, how not to interrupt just social cues in general. Those are good for ninth graders. Yeah. For, like large classroom settings.

Lauren Tingle 36:10
Yeah, that’s good. And they can practice with each other. And they’re allowed to make mistakes there. And you’re telling them like this is what’s normal, this is what’s not, and let’s get down to business.

Felicia 36:20
Absolutely. And I have had those times where, you know, I’ve called the student in after their parents sent me the email or done the phone call, and it really probably should have been the kid. And I just say, hey, you know, I got this email phone call. And let’s talk about that. In the future. You now you know, where my office is, you know who I am. Just try to come to me, and let’s work through it. And I promise if we need to reach out to your parents, we’ll do it. Absolutely.

Lauren Tingle 36:47
Yeah, I love that. Just equipping them, reminding them of who you are showing them, like how they could solve the problem on their own. And, and then you can respond to the parents say, Yeah, great, we actually talked about it, and you kind of don’t have to involve the parent as much anymore. I mean, you know, whatever, you have to use your discretion, but it is something that the students should be able to handle and you see enough of those scenarios. So you’re probably a good judge of that already. Like this is something that a student can do by themselves or handle. Now they know how to do it.

Felicia 37:18
Yeah. And I think that once parents know you as well, they can start to trust you a little bit more. And then they kind of, you know, they ease up a little bit, you know, they may start in with here are all the very specific things I need you to do. Versus then you might get to the point where you’re like, they just call you and say, Hey, do your thing. Right.

Lauren Tingle 37:40
That’s a much better feeling. Right? Like, you’re like, oh, okay, you’re gonna speak to me like that. That’s how that’s gonna go.

Felicia 37:48
Yeah. And then just going back to recognizing, okay, this parent is so scared right now. And sometimes when you just call it out on the phone, or usually on the phone, let’s be honest, they’re calling you scared. Usually, when you kind of can call that out and say, like, I know, this must be really scary right now and talk them through it, they calm down, you get to a place where you can really help the student and turn it back around.

Lauren Tingle 38:11
You’ve given us so many good things to think about from like the perspective of a ninth grade counselor to the perspective of eighth graders transitioning into being ninth graders and like entering high school, and then the parent perspective, as someone who has been a parent having kids come through that age to just like your experience, working with so many students and parents for so many years in ninth grade, like, I’m sure you’ve seen it all, you could probably write a book at this point.

Felicia 38:40
We’ve talked about it, our whole department has.

Lauren Tingle 38:43
Like write this down. So we can laugh about it later. Because you know, if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry about it. I’m sure So, absolutely.

Lauren Tingle 38:50
Felicia, thank you for being on the pod. You offered so much wisdom. I know that this is gonna help some counselor out there multiple counselors out there who either work with ninth graders or who are thinking about or like you said, see a position for just ninth grade counselor. And now they can have some perspective of what that might look like.

Felicia 39:06
Yes, absolutely. And don’t be afraid of it.

Lauren Tingle 39:09
I mean, I think you were super encouraging. Like, I mean you put yourself out there and you’re you’re gonna make mistakes, but it sounds like such a rewarding position to just work with ninth graders. If that’s a possibility for someone.

Felicia 39:21
I think so.

Lauren Tingle 39:23
You’ve sold it. Well, thanks for being on the podcast this week.

Felicia 39:26
Thank you. I enjoyed it.

Lauren Tingle 39:29
Seriously, Felicia is so cool. This conversation was so fun about ninth graders wasn’t it? If you have any more questions for her, you just want to connect with her. She’s over on Instagram at @schoolcounselingsmart. Of course, I’ll link that in your podcast player show notes, so you can go straight there to her page from Instagram.

Lauren Tingle 39:47
She and I originally connected in DMs and we followed each other for a really long time so I know that she could be your friend too. And I know that she’ll love me saying that because she loves to chat about high school counseling.

Lauren Tingle 39:58
I’ll link some specific ninth grade resources in the show notes. And if you haven’t had a chance yet, go back and listen to last week’s episode with middle school counselor Lauren Tenholder who tells us what it’s like to get those eighth graders ready to launch into high school.

Lauren Tingle 40:12
And then stick with us for our upcoming weeks with you guessed it 10th 11th and 12th graders. We’ll see you next week as we continue our series and we talk about sophomores. See you then.