What Should You Do if an Administrator Isn’t Acknowledging the Value of Your Work? [Episode 98]

0:00
Hi, my friends, we are going to tackle a topic that has been on lists submitted by you all for a while. And I just got excited and inspired to talk about it. So let’s get into it. Relationships are complex. This is going to be an episode about these complex relationships because humans have so many variables.

0:21
Like we know that already, we work with students who are complex and have lots of variables. When there are so many moving parts in a job in a school, specifically, people with specific specialties in our school, it’s really easy to go your own way and work in silos, and then realize, hey, I’m spinning some wheels that can be better dealt with together, like with someone else if I had a team. So yes, we have our own distinctive roles as school counselors.

0:51
And we want to be seen and noticed in this role, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I think that’s a very honest thing. We want to be valued for what we bring to the table. So here’s where we get into it. What happens when an administrator seems to be refusing to acknowledge the value of your work? I’ve heard lots of stories of administrators who don’t know what their counselor does. And then their counselors are left feeling belittled and undervalued.

1:16
Counselors are left to feel forgotten about and made to feel less than others, which there is just no space for that when you are in such a specialized role that offers so much to his school. And it gives so much your role gives so much when you have the opportunity to partner with others. It’s really invaluable.

1:36
So let me give you a roadmap for where this episode is going to go. First, we’re going to talk about why this is an important topic to begin with. Why should we be aiming to thrive and jive with our admin as a high school counselor? Then I’m going to present three types of administrators who would be horrible to work for or with and then troubleshoot those personality types.

1:56
Maybe you’ll relate to having some of these experiences or working with these type of people, then we’ll get into what to do when you work alongside one of these administrators and what to do if they seem like they’re never going to change their ways. And lastly, I’m going to talk about some quick ways you can start moving the needle with these tough admin relationships.

2:21
You got into this profession to make a difference in your students lives, but you’re spread thin by all the things that keep getting added to your to do list. I can’t create more hours in the day. But I can invite you into my counselor clique, where you’ll finally catch your breath.

2:35
Come with me as we unpack creative ideas and effective strategies that will help you be the counselor who leaves a lifelong impact on your students. I’m Lauren tingle your high school counseling hype girl here to help you energize your school counseling program and remind you of how much you love your job.

2:54
So let’s talk about why this is even important to begin with. What happens, dream with me here, when admin and counselors are thriving in their roles together? Like you’re working well together, things are going good. It’s the best thing you can envision for your role. And in your school. Like you’re just really happy. Okay?

3:14
First, this is just what I was leading into, is that you have higher job satisfaction. You’re enjoying what you’re doing, because you’re doing what you were created to do. You’re doing what you learned in grad school that you would be doing, you’re putting that pencil to paper rubber meets the road and you are doing the things that you are supposed to be doing.

3:33
You’re working with students, you are not counting test booklets, you’re not doing lots of indirect services that have nothing to do with being a school counselor. When admin and counselors are working really well together, there’s a mutual respect, which is so important. I think just when I mentioned we are humans, we are working together. And even though we’re all different and have different personalities and needs, I think it’s very likely that we all have a desire to have a mutual respect and to feel that in our workplace.

4:03
If we’re doing our roles well together, and we’re working as good partners, there’s probably going to be lower turnover rates and lower burnout rates, just a reduction of overall counselor burnout, because you’ll be happy at your job, you’ll feel valued, you’re just more likely to stay the path and to stay working in that role for longer.

4:22
You’re gonna be using your skills and your abilities to make a difference, which is probably why you got into this in the first place to make an impact with students. And then this one would be helpful for administrators to hear this is probably what they want to hear the most is that when admin and counselors are working well together, there is going to be higher student achievement and this is proven in studies. I will link a bunch of articles, journal articles and magazine articles for you to follow up with this or if they don’t believe you, you can send them these links.

4:50
But definitely higher student achievement when these two powerhouses are working well together. So here are three administrators. I don’t know if you call these person analogy traits, things that are hard to work with types of people who you don’t want to work with. Here they are, these are the administrators that I would not like to work with.

5:11
Number one, the micromanager, this administrator, I’m just using administrator as a general term, this can be a principal, this can be an assistant principal and administrative assistant, whatever role that is that you’re working alongside. So this administrator, the micromanager wants notes on your students. To me, this feels wild, like who has enough time to also do my job in addition to their job?

5:36
They just want those notes, they don’t understand the confidentiality that we have as counselors, the ethical boundaries that we have to uphold as being members of ASCA. And just the role of a counselor in general is to be able to protect that confidentiality. So students or people have a safe place to process their feelings, their emotions, their experiences with.

5:59
The micromanager administrator might want your shared calendar. And maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe they just value transparency, I value transparency as a professional, I want to know that someone is following through with what they say that they’re going to do. And I would say if you have to compromise somewhere here, a shared calendar would be better than shared notes.

6:20
I would definitely share a calendar over sharing notes with an administrator or someone who is not in the role of a counselor, I actually really encourage sharing a calendar publicly because I do think, oh man, I have nothing to hide and it helps me stay organized and maybe holds me accountable. But the micromanager is probably really on top of you for those notes. And that shared calendar, maybe not for the most authentic or genuine reasons like they are just breathing down your neck wanting to know what you’re doing all the time.

6:49
Maybe the micromanager administrator wants to meet all the time. And we’ll talk about this in a minute. But I do think that meetings are good. Frequent meetings are good. They just need to be productive and not get out of hand. Because I don’t know about you. But I hate sitting down for a meeting, especially a really large group meeting setting where there’s no clear direction, you don’t know who’s in charge who’s running the meeting what the goal of the meeting is.

7:14
So if we can have a productive meeting that has clear communication, it can be structured or unstructured time, I just think make time to meet. A meeting doesn’t have to be formal to be effective. As you’re meeting with someone as you’re touching base, it can be informal, you’re still developing trust and rapport, whether that’s just a quick check in.

7:34
So walking and talking, touching base in the cafeteria standing together somewhere in the school and chatting as you’re seeing students kind of walking by, just the consistency of the meeting does not have to be every single Monday morning. It just needs to be purposeful collaboration.

7:49
So I would say the micromanager administrator is very set in their ways about we have to meet at this time, even though there doesn’t feel like a purpose behind it. They’re just meeting just to meet which I hate that. I’ve worked with an administrator who has a micromanager before and they just want to be in the know all the time. And I think ultimately this comes from a good place.

8:10
Like they want to know everything because they are the one in charge. And maybe that comes from a place of feeling liable or responsible and they’re trying to cover themselves like they want to make sure they know what’s going on, in case someone from the district office pops in or ask them a question. They don’t want to look dumb and not know what’s going on.

8:30
But there comes a point in time when they need to trust their employees that if they hired the right people to do this job, that is not their job, that they could trust that they could get it done. Maybe your administrator who is the micromanager is always asking for what you’re doing with your time. So they’re wanting like a time analysis.

8:50
Again, I don’t know who has the time to be asking for this from somebody else. But I would say an annual agreement or they’ve changed the language around that a little bit. But some sort of annual agreement or meeting at the beginning of the year, could alleviate some of the unknown to them. So maybe they’re a micromanager because they don’t really know what they don’t know.

9:10
A study that I read showed that there was higher awareness with those annual agreements and more frequent meetings. So there was less of the micromanaging of the little blocks of time, because they were more confident in their awareness of what the counselor was actually doing.

9:26
Counselors are not meant to work in complete isolation. Even if you’re a solo counselor on a team, you don’t need to be doing that all by yourself, but engaging with others in the building like other stakeholders, partners, admin, teachers, community members, all of those people in the building. We’re all meant to work together. So I don’t want you to feel like you have to be under a microscope by an administrator who’s watching your every move.

9:50
It’s not the kind of person you want to work for. So micromanager is the first administrator who I wouldn’t want to work for and maybe there’s some insights in there on how to deal with them or maybe why they might be acting like that. The next administrator that maybe you have worked for before is the one who just doesn’t get it.

10:09
They don’t understand that confidentiality piece. So there’s a micromanager part who wants to know everything. But then there’s there’s the person who doesn’t understand, no matter how many times you tell them, they don’t understand that there’s a bigger picture, that they don’t work with the same ethics and confidentiality, scale and boundaries that we do as counselors. And that’s something that’s really frustrating to them, because they want to be in the know, because they want to know what you’re doing and what you’re working on.

10:36
They’re hitting their head against a wall, because they’re not understanding why you can’t share that with them. You might feel emotionally exhausted by working with the person who just doesn’t get it, like you’re not accomplishing anything, or you’re not moving the needle, because they’re still not understanding what your role is and what you should be doing in this school.

10:55
So when the person who’s over, you doesn’t understand what you’re doing, you just don’t have this established trust or a mutual confidence in each other, like this goes both ways. I don’t trust the principal that I’m working for when they don’t understand what I do. And then they don’t trust you because they don’t understand what accounts are supposed to be doing.

11:15
So they’re watching your every move, thinking you’re not doing what you’re supposed to be doing are not producing what they expect you to produce, because they don’t understand what that is. So if someone doesn’t understand your role, or what you do day to day, that role probably just feels generally ambiguous to them. They don’t know how to describe what their counselor does.

11:36
They don’t know how to tell somebody how their counselor spend their time, they don’t know what determines success for their counselor. So are they interpreting your counselor role as just another administrative role? Are they making you the person who discipline students? I have seen this happen a lot. Maybe they just think you’re being reactive all the time that you’re putting out fires, and that you’re not thinking proactively for the whole building.

12:00
And maybe you’re not at this point, maybe you’re stepping into a role that has always been putting out fires and being reactive instead of proactive. And that will be something to know about yourself, the role that you stepped into or the role that you’re playing in the school right now.

12:15
Do they see you as part of the leadership in the school, or do they just see you as like another body in the school who they don’t understand what the role is? I want you to be an integral part of how the school progresses and moves forward. And that does take work on your part. You just might be working with someone who doesn’t get it so much so that it just feels like their head is in the clouds. And they’re so far away, and you’re on Earth doing your job. But there’s just a big split in the role that you have and the ideal role that you want to be in.

12:48
And this has to be addressed if there’s a big discrepancy, and we’re going to talk about how to move the needle on that in a couple minutes. I thought it was interesting. I read this in a journal article that I’ll link it said secondary school counselors perceive their principles as less supportive, dependable, trustworthy, and predictable than other groups. Other groups meaning elementary or middle school counselors feeling that compared to high school counselors, high school counselors feel those things, less commonly they don’t feel supported, or that they can depend on or trust their principals as much as elementary, middle school counselors.

13:22
And I think the schools and teams are bigger in high school setting. And so there are usually less opportunities for that check in communication, just less frequent times where you sit down or you’re chatting as you pass by, and maybe shallower relationships between colleagues, because there are just more of them.

13:42
When I picture being back in the elementary or middle schools that I did my practicum and internship that there were just less people outside of that classroom role. So it might be the principal, one administrator, one counselor, one mental health counselor, and one social worker. I mean, that would be a lot of mental health support. If you have that many people.

14:01
In high school setting, you can have eight people just in your counseling department. So there’s more opportunity for just more ambiguity in the roles and then less feelings of support because you don’t know that person who’s over you as well.

14:17
And lastly, this is another characteristic of a principal who I think would be really hard to work for, or an administrator who’d be really hard to work for the one who doesn’t offer mutual respect. Now, this feels like the bare minimum to work with somebody, I want to have a mutual respect for this person. I want them to respect me.

14:36
But a person who doesn’t offer that mutual respect, they won’t engage in new ideas. Like it just feels like they’re not listening. You’re saying things in one ear out the other. They don’t remember conversations with you. They don’t remember things about you or call you the right name. Like there’s just not that level of respect there that you would hope that there would be.

14:57
I know somebody who worked for a principal who was really hard to access, it was difficult to get that principal in a room for a meeting, he was very inaccessible to the point where she, as an employee in the school, had to schedule meetings with him through his secretary, there was no way for her to do that herself.

15:17
So someone who’s hard to get in touch with someone who doesn’t follow through with their responsibilities, they’re not warranting that trust that you would hope to be getting from an administrator. There are so many opportunities for shared components of responsibility here, like you do your part, I do my part. And if we can’t mutually agree that those are both gonna get done, it’s a really hard place to be to offer each other mutual respect.

15:42
So are there places where you could come together to more readily divide and conquer in a situation like you can solve problems together, you can make decisions together? Do they ask for your opinion of things? And do you value their opinion of things? Do you share the same vision of student success? Have they heard your mission and vision as a school counselor?

16:03
And then in the same way, have you heard their mission and vision as an administrator? Hopefully, they have something like that established already for the school. And hopefully, you already have something like that establish for your school counseling program. If not time to get those together, and time to sit down and share them with each other. Are you on the same page?

16:21
Hopefully, you’re probably going to have very similar goals in terms of student achievement, student outcomes, things that you want to see done in the school to support students and families. When time is valued between these two parties, the counselor and the administrator, a mutual respect of each other’s time is just elevated. Like I’m going to be at the meeting on time, if I know that you’re always going to be at the meeting on time, I’m going to show up ready to participate in our meeting if I know that you’re not going to keep me here all day and drag it on for no reason.

16:51
I’ve mentioned this in a past episode. But if this is tough on either their part or your part, something that helped me in the past with this was truly understanding the gifts and the talents of the people I was working alongside. I would often find myself letting their faults be the thing that I emphasized in my mind, I would make them up to be inadequate in some areas, which is really rude. And I really feel ugly telling you that and admitting that.

17:16
But when we did some strength assessments, and we were able to share openly in a group about our strengths, and the things we were good at and passionate about walls came down. I was suddenly able to see that everyone is different for good reason, I could partner with someone who is so different than me. And we could still find major ways to win together towards a common goal.

17:39
It really helped us develop a mutual respect and understanding of each other. But this type of collaboration took a lot of practice. So so much of this comes down to mutual respect for what the other person does. I know that you want this in your role as a school counselor.

17:54
And it’s hard for me to believe that this wouldn’t be something that everyone would value from their peers, their colleagues, their teammates, the people in leadership above them. But we probably have to spend some time redefining that for ourselves and in a group setting, so it does take some effort on both parties parts.

18:15
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18:33
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19:00
Now back to the show. Okay, after hearing about those three types of administrators, you just might be in a place where you feel like you are on a completely different planet when it comes to shared values as professionals with the administrators you’re working with.

19:15
You want to avoid the ambiguity of what your role is and should be. And you want to bring trust and clarity to that role. And a counselor who feels supported and trusted is more likely to innovate and try new things. So maybe that just feels like this really far off dream that you have in your role. But a counselor and principal who move together in cohesion can actually make that happen.

19:39
You can be more confident in your role. Your administrator can be confident in who they have you in that role, and you can move forward together. But how is that administrators supposed to get to that point if we don’t teach them? If you have an administrator who is willing to grow and learn in support of you, then let’s have some of those conversations or you think they can get there, let’s start that conversation.

20:02
The role of the school counselor or with the school counselor confidentiality looks like is probably not something that was included in their administrative training. So let’s give them some grace for that. Or maybe they’ve been in their role as an administrator for a really long time. And they’ve never worked with someone who is more of like this new age, ask a model following counselor that I know that you are.

20:25
So you might be the first one to have to explain all of this to them. Are you tired of the advocacy piece of this job yet? You might be but lucky for you, I am not. So let’s keep going and keep having this conversation. Let your admin know why confidentiality is important for you to maintain. Students need a safe place in the school, you are their safe spot. When it comes to difficult issues separate from discipline issues.

20:50
You’re the trusted person in the building that trusted adult, a place to process mental health concerns. Like if you can’t be that person, does the administrator want to be that person? Probably not. We don’t want them turning to somewhere that isn’t a healthy place to process or to cope. So let them know you have the skills. Now you want to be the space that allows students to do this.

21:12
Another way that I want you to advocate and be a mouthpiece for this job, I want you to build in time to discuss the annual Administrative Conference. That’s the thing formerly known as the annual agreement. Spend some time adequately preparing your part to show them and to tell them. This is one of those meetings that you’re putting on the calendar, and then you’re calling the shots while you’re sitting there.

21:34
This adds to your relationship, it gives you another touch point with some meaningful conversation about the role, but you have to make it happen. I know you have a lot on your plate already. And it’s not easy to make time to do this, but it’s very worth it. Now, if you still have an administrator who is unwilling to budge or move in their ways, I want you to keep moving forward, keep educating yourself and keep growing professionally.

21:58
The more you know about the national model and the proactive practices versus reactive processes of being a school counselor, the more you’ll just ooze and reflect a counselor who is invested in their program and their students and their school. If it comes to a point where the principal that you’re working for, or the administrator that you’re working for is just so toxic that you can’t force yourself to work with them anymore and you’ve tried all the things you’ve tried. You’ve heard me say it, this is a cause for burnout and low job satisfaction.

22:26
If you’ve really narrowed in on the fact that this is your pain point, and it cannot be solved, start to look elsewhere. If you’re truly pursuing a solid model of school counseling, your work will be valued somewhere. And maybe this just isn’t the time or place that it’s going to be valued. You surely can find another team that is better willing to collaborate with you for the betterment of students. I know they’re out there.

22:49
So as a recap, and a few extra little tips in here, where do you start if we’re trying to move the needle on a relationship with an administrator who is tough to work with? Start with an annual Administrative Conference, formerly known as the annual agreement, even if it’s informal to start, like maybe when you’re listening to this, it’s not the start of the school year. So it feels a little weird to sit down and talk about an annual agreement.

23:13
Let’s sit down and just have some of the conversations laid out on the framework of the annual agreement, make an attempt to have more frequent touch points to talk. Again, this doesn’t have to be something formal, like a meeting first thing on Monday morning, every single week.

23:27
It can be you knowing when they’re in the cafeteria doing cafeteria duty, and you walk through and stand next to them and catch up about a few quick things that you need to talk to them about. Maybe what you need to do is have a seat at the leadership team table. And that could take some work. But maybe no one has ever asked you to be there before. Maybe you need to ask to have a seat at that table.

23:48
So are there weekly administrative meetings that maybe you could be a part of, they’re missing a huge perspective in the school, a really valuable perspective, if they’re not inviting you to be there. So I want you to speak up and try and get a seat at that table.

24:02
You know, administrators love data. So start showing them some compelling data to alert them to student needs, and show them problems that you can solve with your initiatives and the changes that you want to make in the school. It’ll be really hard for an administrator not to respect what you’re doing if you are showing them data and coming up with ways to solve problems. You’re going to be working to solve problems in the school that maybe they didn’t realize were problems, or maybe they did, but they hadn’t had the energy or the time or the capacity to solve those problems themselves.

24:35
If you keep running into barriers of them understanding your role, it’s time to break through those. Redefine your role, dialogue about it, chat, revisit, keep talking about what you do and the ideal role that you would play over and over again until they understand what you are supposed to be doing, what you want to be doing and what your role should be doing.

24:56
ASCA has some free resources on their website that I’ll link one of them it’s called the enhancing principal school counselor relationship toolkit. It’s on their website, I’ll link it in the show notes. And this was developed by ASCA, College Board a few other organizations. And there are some free resources and links on there that, you know, if you’re looking for something to read, as you’re falling asleep at night, this would be a great article to read.

25:19
And then continue building and nurturing your working partner relationships. So whether that’s the principal, the administrator that you’re always assigned to working with, for a certain grade level, or a whole team of assistant principals, this is something you have to work at over time, it doesn’t happen overnight, you know that with relationships. You know that from the tough student who you’ve worked with who you have to establish that rapport and keep showing up.

25:43
You’re going to have to keep showing up and keep getting in the way of those administrators until they realize what you do and the value that you bring to the table. There is still a lot of research that can be done out there with administrator and school counselor relationships. But I think it’s worth continuing to talk about actually, I know it’s worth it to continue talking about it.

26:03
You are a leader and you do have the power to make an impact. You know this to be true about the students who you work with. So I want you to believe this about the colleagues who you work with too. Yes, you’ll run into roadblocks and setbacks. If you’re listening to this episode, you’ve most likely already had your own fair share of these already.

26:22
Even though maybe you came into this episode in a really negative place because of some of the interactions that you’ve had and the people who you’ve worked with, I hope that you were inspired to make some changes and to find ways to troubleshoot some of these relationships. Remember, they don’t change overnight. And I wish you a lot of luck in restoring those relationships with your administrators. I’ll see you next week.

26:48
Thanks for listening to today’s episode of high school counseling conversations. All the links I talked about today can be found in the show notes and also at counselorclique.com/podcast. Be sure to hit follow wherever you listen to your podcast so that you never miss a new episode. Connect with me over on Instagram. Feel free to send me a DM at @counselorclique. That’s c-l-i-q-u-e. I’ll see you next week.